And they have escaped the weight of darkness
by Helga Schwarzbaum
Summary: Episode IX: the Rebels execute series of guerilla attacks against the First Order to remind the galaxy that the Resistance is still alive. On Empire Day, they disembark on Coruscant with a diversion plot on their minds. However, Rey is being connected through Force to Kylo Ren and is again faced with the same decision: leave him to the fate he chose, or try saving him once more?
1. Chapter 1

Notes from the author:

The New Order story is very dear to me still, but it was written almost in a single breath and under the spell of flu like virus (and it tells – the last chapters are far better than the first).

However, this Prologue is different. It is influenced by some of the most amazing and diverse authors on this site (shout out to Silmarilion279, howlongbeforeyoutalkaboutsand, uselessenglishmajor and casualfreefall).The pacing of this one is faster. The chapters are much shorter. Still, I predict a bitter-sweet ending to this, and I stand behind what happens at the end of my first story, that mammoth of a text called "The New Order".

* * *

 _I remember it well;_

 _I asked you not to go;_

 _But all I heard was the screaming silence of the wind;_

 _And just like the wind will always blow through the leaves;_

 _I will always remember this;_

 _As our last lost chance._

Olafur Arnalds.

 _Cause you're a hard soul to save; with an ocean in the way; But I'll get around it._

Florence and the Machine.

* * *

„Why am I here"?

She speaks to the shadows of that room, her olive-green, hooded cape almost blending in with the grey surroundings. It is so silent here that she lowers her voice to a whisper, fearing both his reaction and that of the crew onboard the "Falcon". But the calm is a deceptive one.

She is not afraid – although this is the last place she needs to be right now and the last man she needs to be talking to under any circumstances.

„I don't know".

His answer is simple in the equal measure and, strangely, she believes him.

He pulls his gloves up. Rey has a feeling he uses them to cover his shame and his regret – or his weakness and his humanity, or everything from the above.

The vast chamber is an Empire-era room. High ceilings, glass windows from top to bottom. Coruscant. Advent of the anniversary of the Empire. He looks at the waving flags and re-grouping troops from his window, with his back turned to her. Soft grey light permeates through the windows as he stands in the counterlight.

He couldn't care less. The Old Republic, the Empire; the Jedi, the Sith – those are remnants of his upbringing and the remnants of his childhood imagination. Nothing more. An absolute nothing.

The realization settles in and it is again so oddly unnerving that she has to vocalize it.

„They plan a coup. They want to arrest you. Assassinate you".

He sounds strangely undeterred, like it's the most natural thing in the world (and with the First Order, it probably is.)

„And your precious Resistance plans to blow the TIE/vn Omega space superiority fighter prototype up".

It is a menial thing in comparison – a joke. Poe suggested it, and she accepted the challenge. She felt strong and re-assured, even if slightly vengeful; and the hit to the very heart of the Empire that is now the First Order is too enticing for her to decline. After Leia's death, the galaxy must know that the Resistance still lives.

But now she thinks it is just a circus act.

„And you intend to do nothing"?

He looks back at her – only then – but says nothing. His gaze impenetrable. He gives off an impression of a man who lives his living hell, day by day. He does so stoically, but there is a cold new determination in him now.

 _Against the Resistance? No. Nothing. They're nothing._

He tries to break the bond, but he is tired. He surrendered himself to resignation some time ago. And maybe his dying sensory nerves just enjoy her company, be as it may. A mere glitch in his routine – the survival instinct activated like a single forlorn photon in the darkness of his existence.

Another strange realization dawns on her.

„You want to die".

He again says nothing and strides past her.

He picks up his new ceremonial cape, brought to him by his droid that very morning, and attaches it to his shoulders.

She can't do this – she can't solve the puzzle. She won't participate in his death – anyone's death – and staying for too long in here just makes her feel more like a complicit conspirator in a murderous plot.

She tries to break the bond, and the Force indeed bends but then lashes out like a Corulag bamboo, and doesn't dissipate.

Rey sighs.

„So that is the plan? Go out there, get outnumbered, fight until you bring as many as you can with you and then die in the blaze of glory"?

He is again silent. There is weariness about him. A halo of emptiness he carries around ever since he turned against the Jedi: probably even before.

Her master's words come back to her like a weak echo.

 _Ben – the boy conflicted from the very beginning. I don't say he was a mistake. No one's ever a mistake. But his parents… me… the whole galaxy… we all failed him. We were not up to that task of recognizing the danger that loomed over him. Han was Han, he always objected Jedi ways. He didn't understand them nor did he want to. Leia has been struggling for a long time with the fact our father was Darth Vader. She forgave him eventually, but it took time to heal. And in between, it was Ben whom we lost. Too many losses, Rey – we have to stop them._

But the Resistance can't even help themselves. They had some success stealing a ship from Canto Bight, for sure. And Rey's ever growing abilities struck a chord in self-indulgent, self-complacent war barons. The word of their daring and outrageous adventure spread across the galaxy. But that was just one ship they've stolen and they've escaped only barely. Rey had to use all her Jedi powers to crush that reinforced concrete wall and titanium door. It was majestic – but it left her drained and languid for a long time, for at least half a day. Too long considering they had to flee from one base to another, from one shelter to another, from one sympathizer's home to another – and the list was visibly dwindling.

So, that is the calculation – he never wanted this. He never had the same greedy ambition in him, gnawing at his heart – to become a General, to become a Supreme Leader. He was an idealist, even if a strayed one. Hux was, on the other hand, quite practical.

They were planning this for quite some time, ever since Crait, ever since the Throne Room.

He is completely alone this time. His mother has died of what she felt was a heart-break.

 _Too many losses._

All paths were cut off for him. If the First Order doesn't kill him, then Resistance will. Or the Nite Owls will, or some other guerilla group without affiliations or a renegade who resents him and wishes to avenge his or her losses. The remaining Hosnian refugees. The families of the fighters lost on Holdo's evacuation mission. Compassionate Rose Tico is in a minority, and even she is in coma.

Or her – but would she, really? She was no murderer.

Time stands still in this strange place. Rey leans even further on her quarterstaff.

(She is tired as well. All this time she was told what to do, ordered to go to that planet or this planet. To find Luke – to save Ben... actually, this was the only thing she actually wanted to do herself. Or did she? Or was she simply manipulated by Snoke?)

She is lost, and she finds that sense of loss similar to his. How strange.

She doesn't know what to tell him, because she doesn't know what to tell herself.

She reacts on an instinct, as she usually does, and on her simple definition of right and wrong. She turns to him as he opens the blast door. The opalescent light of the polluted, heavily populated planet comes gently in.

She blinks in that light that threatens to swallow him.

 _This feels wrong. This is wrong._

„Ben".

He halts at the door for just a split second, but he doesn't turn back. He is silent as a grave.

He walks out, his cape swaying heavily left and right - the blast door closing swiftly and almost without a sound behind him.

The bond snaps almost painfully, almost like a fractured ligament. She is onboard the „Falcon" again.


	2. Chapter 2

They hover over Coruscant with false identifications and false passwords under the false pretext of transporting Corellian wine to the troops. The objective of their mission: to spoil the great celebration of the Day of the Empire.

She enjoyed Canto Bight raid too much. She enjoyed even stealing the Guavian Death Gang's ship, although it all reminded her painfully of Han Solo. He'd participated in both – enjoying the former and downright relishing the latter.

But this diversion makes her feel uneasy. She feels the danger and the treason as they enter the orbit.

„I feel this won't go the way we think", she echoes her master's words to Poe.

She explains her vision to him, but he grins.

„Well, if that's so, let them have him. Let the vultures eat each other up".

He is trusting; he is loyal and daring – and falling in love with her. It makes her feel uncomfortable. It blurs the line that defines their already complicated relationship: he is the general of a non-existent army, a cross between a smuggler and a partisan; and she is a barely trained Jedi without any official rank and with no functioning weapon (yes, Luke's saber is still broken).

He has a point, and the confusion that would ensue would definitely help their guerilla attack: but still Rey feels it's wrong. Not just that it's dishonorable to fight against a man who can't defend for himself, but also it's essentially, humanly wrong. No one has to die like that. And he won't die gloriously: they'll butcher him as soon as they get a chance.

Kylo Ren is powerful, but he isn't invincible. His crossbow wound is still healing. No man could've survived it – he does, but with consequence. There are at least 2 million Stormtroopers on that planet. Many will perish, but he'll be outnumbered in the end. Solitary figure with his ancient unstable saber.

Her heightened intuition starts to feel like a burden.

Even wookie wants him dead – why "even"? Ah, she stepped into something. She inadvertently picked up on that grief and that conflict. If she went even deeper, she'd pick up on the faint energy signature of his presence in this ship, a long time ago.

But she didn't have the time – none of them did.

„What do you want us to do, Rey"? Poe asks with a tone caught midway concern and resentment.

And she really doesn't know.

 _He wants to die._


	3. Chapter 3

Coruscant is filled with First Resistance banners and with troops and with citizens. The city is ancient, decadent and strong in both sides of the Force. A strange place – a beautiful, but crumbling former capital. It becomes him, in a way.

Rey sniffs the air from under her hood. Stench of mechanical oil, of dust and of dirt. The skyscrapers soaring high, almost touching the belly of the Supremacy class ship hovering above it.

Even she is awe-struck for a moment how opulent the celebration is. The air vibrates with military trumpets and yells. Confetti fall on her like snow and dissipate into a myriad of fireflies – an optical illusion created from salt crystals. There will be fireworks later, and light sculptures – rare, delicate and hard to come by.

But as the small group of rebels ploughs their way through the celebrating crowd, Rey feels the leash is pulled tighter. She picks up someone's gloating sneer. She almost hears the murmurs of the treacherous generals.

She almost feels sorry for Kylo Ren.

He did this for her. He was confounded by his Master's manipulation as much as she was. They were fed with what they wanted to see – she saw him turned, the very image of Ben Solo resurrected that made her heart quicken. He was fed with whatever it was he wanted to see – her, turned? But how?

If it wasn't for her, he wouldn't be here. In a way, her actions precipitated this.

 _If only you came with me. Stopped the holocaust. Joined me. Why haven't you?_

Sometimes, in her sleep, she reiterates that joyful outcome – him, stopping the slaughter of evacuation caravan from the communication pod in the Throne Room, buying the small fleet time to escape, saving all those unnecessarily lost lives. Him, running from that accursed place with her. Him, joining them at Crait with hands held high, trying to convince the Resistance to trust him. Him, finally re-united with his mother.

Soft light falls on Crait, not much unlike that soft light she saw in her mind's eye on Coruscant. They land his shuttle like it's nothing more than a dry leaf on light breeze. The Resistance is in dismay – they want to shoot at the enemy, but see her running their way.

"Don't shoot!" She screams, her tone betraying unbridled joy.

Leia. Leia comes forth from the shadows of the almost closed vast door. Poe advices her against it, but she gestures at him as to reassure him.

She walks out slowly. His own steps slow almost to a hold. They exchange voiceless words long before she embraces him, like they did a long time ago, when he was but a child looking to be comforted after a nightmare that sent him crying. (Had he been dreaming of this waking nightmare of his life instead of ogres and specters even then?)

He has to lean in. He has to lower himself so that little woman can embrace him and land a kiss on his scarred cheek.

He is finally at home. Ben is finally at home.

The impression is so strong and so heart-wrenching it makes her cry every single time as she wakes up, pillow soaked with her pure tears.

But it never came to pass – he obliterated the planet, and Leia has died.

Luke has died. Dead heroes everywhere, and now, dead leaders too.

Sometimes, the hope is what kills people. The expectation of the things that will never come to be. (She dreams of this much more often than of her killing him with Luke's saber – this never brings the relief she craves for. No peace in a massacre.)

It is this strange place – she can feel the Force swirling, the Dark Side and the Light dancing in the air like these annoying, beautiful glittering confetti. Swaying her left and right.

Enjoy the slaughterhouse? Help him? Leave him to the fate he chose?

But she remembers that gaze he gave to Snoke's corpse. He was burying his past. Burying his former loyalty – he isn't a born traitor, she sensed it acutely. Snoke's death pained him, regardless of how much he realized the creature was a monster that would, in the end, use him for his powers.

She even sees Han Solo's death differently now – he was conflicted until his father's very last heart-beat and beyond that. He really was struck in the middle and torn in half, like that Prime Jedi mosaic in Ahch-to. But the creature bridled both the Dark and the Light Side. It meditated peacefully between the opposites. And Ben... Ben was torn apart.

Ben was not free.

She is frozen when it's her time to plant the bomb at the side of the prototype. First she volunteered eagerly (Poe even winked and said: "For the rebellion"). But now, the time holds to a standstill. Poe's voice in her audio device becomes a white noise, a static.

The Force connects her to another sound. It comes from the top of 100 stories high Imperial building some few hundred meters in front of her. There is a squadron of Stormtroopers mere feet from her, controlling the flow of the citizens on the sidewalks.

„Kylo Ren, I arrest you on the behalf of the First Order, for crimes committed against our late Leader and against our leadership; for the survival of the First Order and the restoration of the galaxy..."

She is too far away and he is too far gone. He won't go without a fight, but it's all futile from the start. There are simply too many of them, and no allies – only murderers and trained soldier-slaves.

The prototype crawls slowly past her as she finally snaps out of her daydream. She discards the bomb at that nearest squadron of Stormtroopers, storms the fighter and using the utter confusion in the streets (her comrades not an exception), she flies the fighter right up to that vast balcony that serves as a landing pod as well.


	4. Chapter 4

The ship is demonically quick and she almost screams at its sheer speed and volatility.

It takes all her Force-heightened ability to rein it in, but when she does, she has a nanosecond of strange, combat-ready awe and gratitude.

The artillery on this is magnificent, but it's only a prototype – the engine is half full, so is the weaponry. But she is a scavenger – she is used to living on a bare minimum.

And this is not a bare minimum.

Rey fires at the Stormtroopers and the officers. The white dust of demolished marble plunges in the air and for a moment, she sees nothing save the confusion. Rey lands the ship on the landing dock.

He's alive. He is caught in the middle of nothingness, in a halo created by the bodies.

Blaster shots, dozens of them, stopped midway in the air – he did this before.

His eyes are now ablaze with something that almost resembles hope, and disbelief, as he sees her.

„Come with me", she yells. „Come with me – I can't hold them for much longer".

He hesitates, only for a split second, but the blast shot that grazes his shoulder snaps him out of this hypnosis. She fires back with her blaster gun, and he deflects the remaining shots with his saber, but the barrage is growing strong.

The barrage is so strong, in fact, that she has to go back to the ship, reinforce the energy shields and fire back at them with one discharge at the time. She still has to preserve the energy, and if this goes on for too long, she'll have no fuel to escape the landing pod.

It takes forever, and she loses sight of him.

Cold sweat goes down her spine – she isn't afraid to die. She is afraid of dying with the notion that this was all completely wrong, her utter failure, her stupid stubbornness that got them all killed or captured. There is a struggle in the streets: the rebels are running away with the horrified masses. Poe tries to reach her, but the communication is broken. Finn is separated from the rest of the group and is tossed around in the formed stampede. Nobody noticed their presence in the chaos that ensued – and that is the only good thing.

The door to the fighter is open – but act as a frame to nothing save for a few corpses of Stormtroopers and the rubbles of the marble fence.

Rey's heart sinks.

„Ben! "

She cries out some more, but it is in vain.

The barrage subsidies and she sees her weapon is on that bare minimum. Stormtrooper's blasters are now strangely silent.

And soon enough, she sees why: there is a new weapon in sight. They slowly pull the cannon from beneath the arcades.

The First Order banner, monstrously long, sways languidly back and forth in the low wind as she is faced with yet another modification of the battering ram from Crait.

They'll sacrifice their wounded men, wailing on the floor in dozens. They would even sacrifice half of the city just to see them both dead.

Rey freezes. That sort of malice makes her freeze. The stench of death makes her freeze.

But as her mind scrambles to break the codes and prime the ship for hyper-jump, hoping she'll avoid the deadly beam from the miniaturized death star, a Stormtrooper hits hard against the broken fence. Another one is thrown away with a choking sound.

Kylo Ren.

Kylo Ren barges in, eyes bloodied, multiple wounds on him. Blood. Blood and horrifying, desperate determination.

Panting. His saber crackling in his hand like a rattle-snake.

For a moment, she thinks this is just an elaborate scheme, an operatic interlude played to make her come here and to obliterate her from the face of the planet. A spectacle for the Imperial Day, and she is the main attraction.

She remembers her Master and she remembers Crait – same thing coming at her again.

But as she gazes back at him, eyes wide with shock, he pushes her to the side. With the speed of the hawk, he instigates the ship. He doesn't lose his time, like she does, to figure out which panel does what and what are the priming codes. He knows it all – he helped the First Order build it. She is a fierce pilot, but he is trained and above all, he has that mad determination in the face of death. He is used to death. He is the harbinger of death.

 _Take the guns. Go._

The ship is lethally quick and versatile. It soars in the matter of seconds to the sky.

She has no time to think. TIE fighters come rushing in with that terrifying engine sound, engineered specifically to instigate deadly fear. The last sound of many dying throughout the galaxy.

This is something she can do, something she mastered. She takes 4 of them in an impressive time, and even in that darkest hour, she finds herself wild with joy.

 _I can't hyper-jump if they'll at our tail. Brace yourself._

He makes an impossible, spinning maneuver between the two narrow sets of towers. It's so close that she loses her breath, thinking they'll crash into one of the mirrors cast in metal and glass.

But they don't. He is a terrific pilot and she almost admires him for it.

They manage to escape that squadron, but almost immediately another one practically crushes directly against them.

Rey almost feels the ventilation in that TIE fighter when a thundering blast sends the enemy craft swirling and ablaze to the ground.

„Falcon", the glass mirror of the skyscrapper reflecting it like a ghost, like a mirrage. They haven't abandoned her.

But their energy is on the very last minimum.

„I have only one chance to hyper-jump", he shouts in his own voice and for the first time, she detects he is genuinely panicking.

She takes another TIE fighter and that is their last chance for a shot. Anything beyond that will just pull them irreparably to the impulse speed.

 _Master Skywalker, help us._

The ship jumps.


	5. Chapter 5

They land on Dagobah, fuel in the engine so low that they plummet through the atmosphere like a dead weight. The ship moans like it will break into pieces, but suddenly, it begins to float.

It rocks lightly back and forth and then lands on top of the trees, breaking the lianas with its weight, sending unseen creatures run away in panic.

Finally, they stop in a dense swamp. The landing is almost too peaceful and too muffled.

Almost like a dry leaf landing on a forest canopy.

There is a moment of deafening silence. He is deeply perplexed, but soon a jolt of energy goes through him. Ship makes a strange, wailing sound.

"Quickly, it'll be swallowed up", he says and helps her to her feet. They scramble through what almost feels like quick-sand to the nearest solid ground.

And then they collapse, panting.

The swamp devours the ship with a gurgling sound.

Rey has to breathe in – has to comprehend all of this.

 _Breathe._

The skies above are overcast. The silence falls back on the swamp, filled only with the murmurs of the planet's strange life forms.

Her olive green cape is soaked with sweat and stained with mud.

They sit there in silence for some time.

"Can they track us down?"

"I scrambled the signal. The ship is stealth technology – it should remain undetected to everyone, unless the pilot wants it to".

 _Do you?_

 _No._

He is solemn. He is pensive.

"I didn't set the coordinates to Dagobah", he utters eventually.

They look at each other for the first time since that tug of war in the Throne Room. And she sees nothing but sort of melancholy and confusion in him now. No threat, just growing sadness.

Something between them flexes and unwinds, and falls gently into its place like a dislocated joint under the care of a skilled healer.

There is something that pulled them both to this place.


	6. Chapter 6

She doesn't need to ask herself any further who or what.

That place hums with the Light Side energy. It is almost deafening, very much like the myriad of sounds and murmurs produced by the forest. To a layman, it is an unnerving sound. To her, it's like listening to a symphonic orchestra tuning before the concert.

And to him… to him it is like the tolling of the bell. Funeral or not, he cannot tell yet.

It doesn't harm him, but it makes him languid and distant. His ferociousness from Coruscant is now gone, drained through him like water through the sandstone.

Rey first suspects he is hurt – miraculously, he's not. The blood on him is for the most part someone else's. He has a couple of flesh wounds, but they do not slow him down.

It's the planet.

He sits there in silence, on the hard ground that rims the swamp when she approached him.

"Help me salvage the ship".

He looks up, his eyes distant. She removed her cape and is now standing, towering him, hands on her hips. Sheer determination – not a moment to lose. She needs the ship to contact the others. She must know what has happened to them.

The ship is drained (very much like he is), but she'll find a way to patch through to the Resistance. And to bring him back to – life, she supposes. He was dead even before they tried to bury him.

After all, she is a scavenger, accustomed to survive on the bare minimum.

But Rey can't do it alone – lifting 2 tones of awkwardly placed rocks is not the same as lifting 20 tones of heavily armored battle ship submerged in quick sand.

Rey discarded her stained green cape and stands there, arm wrappings and sleeveless shirt letting her strong shoulders show. There is also a faint mark where that wound from the Throne Room was.

She is probably the only being in existence he would obey, so he comes with her.

"Your Master couldn't do it himself at first, you know", Ben says with that hint of dark humor permeating his voice.

She doesn't know this and realizes he is sharing a family memory with her. (Luke visiting this place doesn't come as a surprise, either, given the presence of the Light Side here.)

Great effort from a man dead-bent to let the past die: that, and the fact that they managed to escape, makes her smile.

"It's good that I have you here, then", she says.

He raises his eyebrows.

 _Is it?_

But says nothing.


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you very much for every single review. I'll keep the promise and keep these chapters short. Rey and Kylo Ren (or Ben?) continue collaborating on Dagobah. He hasn't got much choice, but then again - maybe he has.

* * *

The ship moans and howls like a living being, but doesn't resist. Rey can almost picture in her head the millions of fine threads of Force hurling to the ship, embracing it from bellow, pulling its every inch to the surface.

And sure enough, it re-emerges. Rey again feels that same elemental joy at their achievement.

But he frowns. He is anxious and jittery. Cold sweat comes running down his face.

They land the ship with a roar. The residual water splashes against their feet like a tidal wave. Rey shudders, unaccustomed at this amount of water and he just tenses. His long ceremonial overcoat is soaked now with both blood and water.

But it doesn't affect his obsession about the ship – he strides right in, with water still pouring from ship's sides.

No corrosion, no fatal damage to the engines, he informs her – they made a craft too perfect to be simply trashed by a swamp, Dagobah and the Light Side notwithstanding. But if it operates, it will operate on a breath of engine fuel.

He primes the ship and the craft makes an alarmingly faint noise – it's operating in power saving mode and only barely at that. His pale face appears from the twilight.

"Do you know where your Resistance is"? He almost squeezes the question through his teeth. Wasting their resources on the Resistance almost him – and by resources he means everything, from his ship to his time and his breath.

Rey shakes her head. It's all on the "need to know" basis and now she can only speculate, but doesn't know for certain. Her binary beacon is still – the other is in Finn's hands. It's either they're too far apart or worse – something happened to the rebels.

"Makes no sense to spend the last exhale of that fuel on mere conjecture", he remarks and turns the ship down.

As he stalks away, he looks up to the darkening skies and she realizes they have nowhere to hide as the cold and damp night sets in. A distant and apparently aggressive creature roars deep in the woods.

"I know this place", he says. "Only from the stories, but I remember everything".

 _And I'd gladly forget it, all of it._

"There was a small abode north – northeast", he adds. "Your Master was here last, and he might've left something useful behind".

 _For a change._


	8. Chapter 8

The cabin is little more than a hole in the ground, overgrown with weeds and strong roots of a towering tree. He has to barge through the small door, the size suited for a big dog. This small act of destruction seems to please him, but only for a second. (Rey finds him cramping into that small space ridiculous, but stays silent).

The air inside is stale and old, and the place is long since abandoned, but it appears safe enough to spend the night in (only snails and apparently non-venomous snakes lurk from beneath the furniture, disturbed by the unexpected visit).

"The place looked bigger when…" He says, looking around with genuine inquisitiveness, but stops.

… _I was a child._

"You sleep here", he barks, and rushes past her. He practically pushes her to the side (twice in one day).

"There's enough space", she says means it. Sleeping on a dry floor is far more appealing than sleeping on the cold, damp ground with all the crawling life-forms around.

That's just simple scavenger's rationale. (Crawling life is abundant on Jakku and is unpleasant at best and deadly at worst.)

And she is afraid he might flee again or that he might – freeze to death, get devoured by whatever inhabits the planet? Oh, yes, she has to remind herself of that – she genuinely cares for his well-being. Perhaps it's because she had too much invested in him to let go of him now – again, the scavenger's logics.

He again halts at the door – perhaps he heard her incoherent thoughts. This time, only thing he needs to do is lean a bit (the floor is buried under the level of the forest floor).

He eventually nods.

"You take the bed", he says.

"Take my cape", she says without an afterthought, and offers him the stained rag.

Very farfetched from that Vader-esque monstrosity he wore on Coruscant, and lost during the battle.

She turns away quickly as he removes the long overcoat drenched in water. _I have a shirt on_ , he murmurs to her. _Underneath it._

Rey is genuinely relieved.

She had some vacuum-packed toasted bread in her pockets – now it's crumbled, but it's still something. And she shares it with him too.

That expression of disbelief and something almost resembling hope starts to settle in on his face.

"Thank you", he pronounces the words like he's learning to speak a new foreign language.


	9. Chapter 9

How she can sleep in this noisy place is beyond him.

Ah, but she is the powerful Light Side user now. This probably sounds like a lullaby to her, and it's like an amphitheater full of scolding voices to him. Not threatening, only – forewarning, inquisitive, and even slightly ironic.

At first, he cannot sleep and doesn't expect himself to. The forest is full of nocturnal murmurs and he very well knows not all of them belong to welcoming life-forms. There is something in front of that door that sniffs the air and doesn't appreciate the intruders inside. But something else – something even more predatorial in nature – scares it off.

He has his remaining weapons with him. His saber, his blaster gun – foolish girl, for not disarming him as they landed. Foolish girl, for saving him in the first place. He couldn't believe his eyes when she came with the silencer, roaring engines, utter boldness and that fire of hope that can't be extinguished. He knew in an instant the First Order was doomed, the minute she appeared on the Imperial Palace.

Foolish girl and a true Jedi.

Snoke was right.

His eyes wander. She is cramped on that bed in fetal position, back turned to him. She kicked off her boots and he sees holes at the soles of her socks. Her tan pants are stained with mud, and they both smell of… Dagobah, actually. It's almost comical. She breathes in and out peacefully in her sleep. Clean conscience – that's what it feels like. He didn't have that in years, in a whole lifetime.

Her cape has that faint scent of her, more an energy than anything else. The whole previous day comes back to him, but from her perspective. The denial, the doubt, the conflict, the "Falcon", the pilot, wookie – her admiration for Coruscant (yes, it is exactly as she sees it, the mystical place of decaying beauty and yes, if there was something remotely resembling home after he deflected from the Jedi, it's that planet) and the blink-of-an-eye decision to come to his aid.

He dozes off eventually with those memories stuck in his mind and with her scent in his nostrils and those are 2 hours of the most uninterrupted sleep he has had in years.


	10. Chapter 10

Like Master, like apprentice. ;)

* * *

Rey wakes up after the strangest dream of all: she saved the Supreme Leader from a coup on Coruscant and now they're stranded on a peculiar planet, soaked in the Light Side of the Force. She wraps herself tighter in her cape and turns to the other side – and then she remembers.

She jumps in the little bed and hits the low ceiling with her head. As her eyes settle on the floor and pain subsides, she realizes he's not there. But there is a pleasant smell of a small fire and something resembling food on the outside and she is covered with her cape – practically tucked in.

Strange things seem to never cease.

She walks outdoors to find him hoarding old fuel canisters. He washed away the coagulated blood and the dirt from his face and from his clothes for the most part. His shirt is partially unbuttoned and he looks as casual as it is possible for a Knight of Ren in his ceremonial robes.

He left some of that clean water to her and she rubs her sleepy eyes with the edge of her arm wrapping. As she goes about her business, he informs her about his finding:

At the crack of dawn, he found them – not nearly enough for a long voyage, but enough for the nearest outpost and for communication; buried in a hollow under a tree and camouflaged with hastily stacked rocks.

"He left everything behind to get to Vader faster", he says that more to himself, and rattles the canister so he might evaluate the volume of the remaining fuel. "I remembered it only later. He spoke about Dagobah, but was never particular about the details".

He almost smirks as if to say: _Dishevelled old fool._

"He left everything behind so he might save his friends", Rey utters. His need to undervalue the old Master pains her, but at the same time, that pain gives her the necessary focus in the Force.

He is again startled. This is not a detail that is commonly known, especially among the scavenging population of Jakku. He forgets how strong she gets with time, and she can't blame him for it. It comes at her as a surprise time and time again.

"I'll fill it up", he says, quickly changing the subject. "You eat".

Grilled snake-like creatures (whose lair he shook to get to the canisters) and bugs impaled on a wooden stick with some indiscernible vegetables on the side, placed on leaves – the smell is far from appetizing, but she ate almost nothing since they landed on Coruscant, and the strain of the escape left her famished.

Before she manages to thank him, he's already gone.


	11. Chapter 11

Rey comes to the place where they left the TIE silencer the night before. Although it's hard to orientate on this planet since skies are overcast and foggy, it somehow unmistakably smells of morning, fresh and new.

Both doors are wide open and only now she realizes all its brutal and preposterous size and shape. His engineers deliberated on the design for a long time. The wings look like they are carved in obsidian, although she never saw one – but she somehow knows what they were going for. _Say what you will about the First Order, but they have their esthetics all planned out._

"Come", she hears his voice from the inside. She got used to these one-liners.

The ship still smells like Dagobah swamp, which is a silly thing, she thinks. It's almost like it was being ritually cleansed from the First Order. And the windows are still misty. Her first impulse is to clean them with her wrapped elbow. She hates stained technology – probably an old habit instilled by Unkar.

"Let it go", he says again. "Look at the engine".

The main control panel to the engine shows the line of fuel slowly ascending to steady 25%.

"It's all there is", he says. "I poured all of them in. If we don't use the guns or the energy shields, we can go as far as Bespin or Utapau".

 _Or Tatooine_ , she thinks but stays still. She gleans for a moment.

"What about the communications? I can tell Chewie to pick us up. "Falcon" can jump: I over-rode the hyper-drive module with…"

The moment of her engineering exaltation soon wanes as she sees his expression.

"You honestly thing the creature would let me onboard the ship? Or let me anywhere near him, for that matter?"

"You saw what happened on Coruscant. They covered for me. They didn't abandon me".

"Oh, I do not underestimate wookie's loyalty: he has that in abundance. But did he know who where you with on this ship, or he just presumed you stole the craft to make one of your partisan points"?

She halts – she hasn't had the chance to think it through. She simply supposed that Poe communicated to Chewie what has happened, but what if communication was broken between them as soon as that mayhem broke out in the streets?

He rubs the misted windows with his glove and the dim light of the planet intensifies in the cockpit.

"Rey", he says, lowering his tone. "I know how to fix the blade. Why hasn't your Resistance helped you with it? Why hasn't your Master come when you needed him the most?"

Rey almost gasps.

"They couldn't allow me to go to Ahch-to because… because we have no ships, Ben", she exclaimed the universally known truth. "Everything was intended for quick evacuation. I couldn't leave all those people behind – they need me. And a Jedi isn't his saber, after all".

She finds it too painful to talk to him about Luke. Because if she did, she'd see only Kylo Ren in him, not Ben – Rey doesn't know what tugs at her heart more, the absence of her teacher or Ben Solo unredeemable.

He turns to look at her and there is almost a faint cynical smile forming on his lips.

(Rey finds that small grimace unsettling.)

" _You_ don't need them, Rey", he says. "You don't need anyone's permission to do what needs to be done. And you need your saber. You know you do. Jedi nonsense aside, it's the best weapon the galaxy has even given birth to. No one replicated its technology except for the Sith, and Jedi. And now, it's only the two us left".

Rey goes one step back. _Not another offer, not this again_ – but he does have a point. She feels incomplete without Luke's saber. The kyber core is alive, she can attest to it, but it is hibernating ever since their tug of war in the Throne Room.

Rey clenches her fist around the quarterstaff she used as a walking stick (and to remove the small crawling pest from her path – she doesn't intend to squash them).

For the first time in these two days, she becomes acutely aware that he still has his saber with him, his blaster gun and the knowledge of the ship he basically created. She only has her blaster gun, no ammunition and her old quarterstaff.

He is completely aware that he has the higher ground here – but only in here.

"Ben", she swallows hard and her voice almost breaks. "Don't do this, Ben. Don't go there again".

"Rey", his answer is an unexpected one. "Force brought us here. It didn't pull us to Hoth, or to Kashyyk or to Sullust or wherever it is that your rebels flee to. It brought us here with a purpose. It connected us on Coruscant with a purpose. I am not going anywhere – I am simply drawn to conclusions".

Even the tips of her earlobes now burn – this is awkward. This is beyond awkward. This feels intimate and true. And outrageous – he almost sounds like a fully fledged Jedi – almost.

He sees all her confusion all at once and makes yet another unprecedented move: he removes the saber from its scabbard and offers it to her. Rey looks down on the saber with shock: the saber murmurs peacefully to her. She remembers. Too much rage, too much of a Dark Side, but it yielded to her once. It wants to yield again.

"Here", he says. "Take it. I don't want to harm you, Rey. Not you. Not ever".

"Except on Crait", she exclaims bitterly, and that awkward moment finally snaps.

He shakes his head.

"No", he whispers. "No. I didn't".

She waves her hand at him, exasperated.

"It doesn't matter now, anyway".

 _She's gone. They're all gone._

But he does have a point – again. His mindless rage at "Falcon" aside, he had enough time to command his troops to go back to the shuttle and follow "Falcon" from Crait. He could've sent TIE fighters' in swarms after them. But he let them go – and she didn't ask herself _why_ not even once ever since.

Either way, she was a fool for believing he would snap from the Dark Side just like that – but the Throne Room was so exalting, so enticing and felt so right. He could sense it too.

It just wasn't enough.

"Keep it", she says dryly and moves the saber away from herself. Perhaps this is exactly what he predicted it would happen – she would refuse it anyway, but the offer might make him look better. He still was a dark apprentice in a way – he was familiar with the ways of deception. He even managed to deceive Snoke, so why wouldn't he be able to deceive her as well?

But he again appears strangely undeterred. He lowers the saber gently on the pilot's seat.

"Consider it", he says. "The communication pod is ready. I left you the instructions how to scramble the signal".

"Where are you going?" She looks at him with dismay as he stalks away from the ship.

"Talk to your Resistance", he retorts. "I need to find another place. We'll meet here in two hours or however long you need to track your friends".

She follows him with her gaze until he disappears behind the dense wall of trees.

 _Stranger things_ , she thinks.


	12. Chapter 12

Rey uses her beacon to focus on it. It oozes the energy of the Light Side and remembers all rebels and Leia. Technologically, it is practically dead. But she has communications of the TIE silencer now.

She needs time to track them down – and when she finally does, she has the impression days have passed, not hours.

It's Finn. They're on Sullust, hiding with Maz Kanata in an underground tavern.

He is beside himself with joy. He only wants to know she's alive and well, and everything else is just a minor detail, including the fact she helped Kylo Ren escape and that the rebels themselves barely fled from the crumbling skyscrapers of Coruscant as that battering ram hit the core of the former Empire with unbridled power. Of course, their propaganda blames Resistance for it – but Finn withholds this information from Rey, although it is useless effort in the light of her ever-growing intuition.

Rey feels guilty for provoking this course of action, but Finn is undeterred. _The First Order is murderous and will stop at nothing. It's not your fault._

Poe is out, trying to smuggle food and other provisions to the rebels. A true General – dedicated to both the cause and his men. But she knows he won't be so easily persuaded, precisely because of it.

He left her with a decision where to go.

"Utapau", she says eventually. The planet is remote and the First Order, although in charge, is thinned across the galaxy and has little use of the native Utai and Pau'ans. Naboo is lush and wonderful, but it's an Imperial stronghold and the First Order occupation zone since the destruction of Hosnian system. Hiding in plain sight is tempting, but not on Naboo. Tatooine is just little further, but their means are scarce and she fears the fuel would not withhold them until there.

 _May the Force be with us all._

Now, she only needs to tell Ben this. But where is he? Only when she says goodbye to Finn, she realizes that the day on the planet feels old. She checks the universal Galactic Standard watch – almost 5 hours have passed.

She protrudes her head through the door.

 _Ben?_

He is alive, but his presence in the Force is clouded, like a figure of a man lost in densest of all fogs.

She takes the dark saber after some reluctance, then locks the ship and walks into the dimming light of the planet, striding quickly. The Force leads her, but his image is still puzzlingly blurred.

 _Ben?_

The forest thickens and she soon has to plough her way through intertwined vines, lianas and roots with her quarterstaff. Why is she going this way? If he went here, she would already find his steps, broken branches and dangling wines. But there is none. However, the pull of the Force is by now so strong that she feels complied to use the saber to break through quicker. The crackling plasma beam slices through the forest like it's nothing.

She feels uneasy for using the saber – she feels the blade is ancient and soaked in the Dark Side, where Kylo Ren's influence is barely one film-thinned layer on the top. There is also a small flickering light won at the Throne Room – him slaughtering Snoke so he might save her. But everything else is just old, deep and thick evil.

She sighs with relief when she reaches a small clear place deep within the equatorial forest. Rey deactivates the saber immediately, but now she's in a dense darkness. Night has not fallen still, but this place feels like the bleakest midnight, and it's not just the shade of the trees.

 _The Dark Side._

There is an opening to a cavern beneath the crooked trees and tangled roots. It's cold – it oozes such coldness that her jaws start gnashing. Even the dark saber at her side flinches.

 _What have you done?_

"The question is – what will young Solo do?"

The little voice behind her startles her, but she isn't afraid. That Force that called her wasn't the Dark Side.

She never saw the little creature before, but she knows exactly who he is.


	13. Chapter 13

" _You have compassion for her"_ , Supreme Leader Snoke to Kylo Ren.

 _"You have compassion for him"_ , Master Skywalker to Rey of Jakku.

* * *

 _Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden. Compassion - which I would define as…unconditional love - is essential to a Jedi's life. So, you might say that we are encouraged to love._

Young Jedi Anakin Skywalker

* * *

"Master Yoda", Rey exclaims. The impression is so strong that she falls to her knees, as if in a deepest ceremonial bow.

The little creature snickers and caresses her on the head with a gentle and real touch. A grandpa stroking the cheek of his granddaughter – it probably feels very similar.

"Loyal and compassionate Rey is", the Master says, leaning on his curved staff. "But also impetuous and naïve she is. For the Dark Side to be subdued, one must the refined vision of a Jedi have".

She is worried. She knows he is right – Rey learned the Jedi creed only few days ago. What could possibly she know now?

"Young Rey", Yoda continues peacefully and even slightly whimsically. "As the end of the Jedi approaches, the Light grows stronger. But also, the Darkness too – but worry not. There is nothing in any Jedi temple buried, that you already don't have with you".

"The books", she utters. "I left them with the Resistance, for safe-keeping. I'm sorry for stealing them. I'm sorry I didn't trust Master Skywalker. I'm so sorry".

"Don't be".

 _Master Skywalker._ He appears to her as she remembers him – but the world-weariness is gone and there is a new sort of light within him. It pours so much hope into her in this strangest and coldest of places.

"Regret is a good thing, Rey, as long as it leads to correcting past mistakes", he says – or his spirit. "But if you let it fester, it will drown you. And that is the direct way to the darkness".

 _Ben._

"Why have you let him go in"? She exclaims. "He is conflicted, he is weak. And that place…"

She shudders and turns to the cave. She'd pull him out of there, but the place feels so off-putting and so menacing, that she recoils instinctively.

"You have compassion for him", Luke's spirit says matter-of-factly, but at the same time, with consideration and gentleness. "It is a rare gift, even for a Jedi".

"Young Solo and Rey must learn", Yoda said. "There is no submission in the Force. There is no force in the Force".

The little creature snickers at its pun.

"Rey", Luke said. "That's why I've let you leave Ahch-to. If you or him or any other creature sets his or hers or its mind on something, Force will not allow it or disallow it. You must learn – and him especially – that whatever you choose, it is yours choice and yours alone".

 _Ben is not free._

Her Master's spirit looks at her with sadness.

"Yes, he always had the impression that he was forced into a role he never wanted", he sighs and sits on a nearby stone – slowly, like an old man. "He never could shake that feeling off, no matter how much me, or him, or his parents have tried. And we all transgressed against him, one way or another".

"You meant to do the right thing", Rey exclaims ardently. "You were always acting in his best interest. You're not perfect, but you did the best you could".

The spirit smirks at her, wearily.

"Even if I did – which I didn't – that will simply not do. The Dark Side is too strong. You felt it".

Rey sits back on her heels now, perplexed to her core.

"What can we do?"

"Now"? Luke's spirit asks. "Nothing. Wait".

Rey shivers in that dark and cold place. She could use her cape right now, but she left it in the small cabin in the woods.

Yoda snickers again, and with a flick of a finger, instigates a small but so welcoming camp fire.

And everything already feels millions light years more comforting.

Even the Dark Side seems subdued and the saber at her side feels still and compliant.

 _To be subdued – not destroyed._


	14. Chapter 14

Why do the Force ghosts tend to disappear when they're most needed and re-appear when they're least wanted? But there is a reason (and it's not lazy writing ;)) - Ben's test is not over in that cave and Rey has to see the whole extent of the Dark Side influence for herself.

Ben stays too long in that dark nexus and the dark nexus speaks to him about... many things.

* * *

 _"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you"._

Friedrich Nietzsche, _Beyond Good and Evil_ , Aphorism 146.

* * *

 _"What's in there?"  
"Only what you take with you." _

Master Yoda to young Luke.

* * *

Rey is under the impression millions of years have passed. The small camp fire crackles and starts dying out like a morning star. She grows impatient – but she already received a small slap on the wrist for being impetuous, so she gathers all her strength to remain still, legs crossed, with Kylo Ren's saber in a triangle between her and the Jedi spirits.

But then, something rattles and cracks inside the cavern. For a split second, it doesn't sound like a man-made sound. Then it subsides.

And then it's back again.

Rey tenses and looks at her Master. He seems almost equally worried.

 _Ben._

She jumps to her feet as his figure appears in the opening.

He is staggering. He looks tattered. He left that carnage on Coruscant almost unscathed, but now he looks like he was being tossed around and hit against the walls by a super-strong foe.

The look in his eyes terrifies her – it's downright deranged. There is no light of recognition in him. He probably had the same look after the Jedi temple was destroyed, but fortunately, has his mask then to cover it up.

Now, she is left alone with that barren landscape. The Masters are gone. Even the small camp fire before her dies to the embers.

 _Ben._

She swallows hard and makes one step forward.

But he doesn't answer. She might as well be yelling to a wall.

And then, his eyes fix on the inactive hilt. He almost has no eye-white in those eyes, that's how bloodied his gaze is and how dark his pupils appear.

The saber trembles.

"No", she utters as the despair penetrates her heart like a syringe. "No".

There are already tears in the edges of her eyes. But with her despair growing, so does her resolve – she will do whatever it takes, whatever it needs to be done.

The saber is the only weapon she has – she left the blaster in the ship (foolish girl, lowering guard so early and so eagerly).

She feels the tug. He wants that saber and the saber wants him. It is downright obscene, like a huge orgy unraveling in front of her unwilling eyes.

Rey has no other option but to activate the saber. It springs quickly and crackles in front of her face like a Dark Side beacon.

But as the Force hums between them, she has to try – once again, one last time.

 _Ben, please._

It almost feels like some kind of magic spell has been broken – he snaps out of his delirium and looks at her with shock and utter confusion.

And in the next moment, he is folded in half. Vomitting. Spasm after spasm going through his body.

"Ben", she screams and is at his side in only two jumps. Saber is inactivated and thrown away into the grass.

He tries to gesture to her not to come near, like a man poisoned or infected, but she is stubborn and disobedient.

Her hands lock on his shoulders and then pull his entangled hair up to the back of his head.

"It is alright", she whispers. "I'm here. It's alright. Let's get out of this place".


	15. Chapter 15

_For now I am winter_

 _it now belongs to you_

 _my soul_

 _shivering,_  
 _in this abrupt transition;_  
 _embrace me real tight._

Olafur Arnalds, _For now I am winter._

* * *

She dares not to use that damn blade again. She is almost tempted to leave it there – to the Masters, to the wild-life, or whatever else, but she fears it would somehow make that dark nexus even stronger, so she leaves it with her. She finds the same path she came in through and it's already partially overgrown with vines and young branches.

 _Damn, strange and deranged place,_ she thinks and shudders.

He fights to stay on his feet, but is completely broken.

 _He went in too deep and stayed for too long._

But she won't pursue it any longer. It's a strain on her as much as it is to him. She remember the dark cave on Ahch-to: this one, for whatever reasons, feels far more brutal and menacing from the very beginning. She just wants to leave.

They reach TIE silencer at the crack of dawn. It is little short of a miracle that no predator comes their way to exploit their weakness.

"Ben", she places him on the ground so he may recline against the cold surface of a rock. "Ben, can you hear me"?

He nods. Embarrassment sets in through the exhaustion – there are bits and pieces of gall and undigested food on his chest.

Rey uses the dew to clean it up and quickly gathers leaves from a nearby bush for him to drink. He does so, greedily. In the end, he is only a man. Dehydration, weariness, confusion, fear, loneliness… he is not immune to those. Sometimes it's hard to remember that for both of them.

Rey collapses backwards and shudders. She could really use that cape right now.

"I'm sorry", he eventually says, voice hoarse.

She shakes her head.

 _The only important thing is that you're alive. We'll talk later._

"Can you help me navigate the ship"?

He nods, and asks nothing.

"Good", Rey retorts. "Let's get out of here. We're going to Utapau. Rebels will wait for us there".


	16. Chapter 16

I adore this beautiful song by Wolf Larsen and now I know why - it suits them both perfectly and their now convoluted relation to Resistance. At this point, Rey is still unsure of where Ben is standing in the Force. And Ben was (is?) still heavily tempted to fall back on his old, dark ways. So, will it be the Light, or the Darkness?

In the end, the simple human emotions prevail on both sides, for better or for worse. This chapter leads to something as close to betrothal they'll ever come - in this story, at least. And the slightly tawdry bathing scene symbolizes purification and re-birth (no, it's not just another lazy writing tool to make them both undress ;)).

Hint: they change into clothes that are part Jedi, Resistance and part First Order stolen goods. War is raging around them - what can a rebel change into?

 _What if I'm wrong, what if I've lied_  
 _What if I've dragged you here to my own dark night_  
 _And what if I know, what if I see_  
 _There is a crack run right down the front of me_

 _What if they're right, what if we're wrong_  
 _What if I've lured you here with a siren song?_  
 _What if I be wrong, if I be right_  
 _Let me be here with you tonight._

 _And I have been wrong, I have been right_  
 _I have been both these things all in the same night_  
 _So if I be wrong, if I be right_  
 _Let me here, with you, tonight._

Wolf Larsen, _What if I be wrong._

* * *

They meet with Maz and the rebels on the landing dock. It doesn't need any Force heightened intuition to feel the air of resentment and utter disapproval, emanating mostly from Poe. He sees Kylo Ren and he sees Hosnian system, the fall of the New Republic, Crait, Leia's death and his own tormentor. His fists clench around his blaster, but Rey's presence prompts him to hold still.

The tension is of a new kind – dark, antsy, burdened with all sorts of conflicts and questions.

Rey can't be more grateful to Maz when the little female alien blinks at both of them and exclaims, putting away her blaster gun:

"Gods, what is that smell?"

It sweeps away the tension – for now. Poe frowns at Rey and by Finn's look, she can tell they've been arguing bitterly. Images of barely avoided fist fight come her way and her heart sinks.

Instead of being the glue and the strength of what has remained from the Resistance, she became its tearing point. She shudders. They are too dear to her to be tested like this.

Ben understands all of this – perhaps even more than Rey can realize – so he falters behind and remains at the base of the ship's ramp, all the while Chewbacca is making an incessant low growl. (Rey hears a current of expletives and curses from the creature.)

"Just give me some fuel and I'll leave", he says to her in a weak and hoarse voice (the Force bond demands the strength and focus he lost on Dagobah).

Poe overhears it, but the very fact he has no snarky comment is a testimony to the extent of his resentment and hate. He can't forgive, or forget – and why should he? His own mother died fighting the enemy whose greatest achievement was Kylo Ren himself.

 _You can't leave. You promised._

He looks at her – his eyes appear darker and feverish against the dehydrated, pale face.

Maz is there to intervene again – strange, whimsical creature with her eye-goggles and restless gaze.

"You two need a bath, now", she says. "Gods, I had rathtars who smelled better. And by the looks of you, young Solo –"

He flinches a bit and looks down at the alien woman.

"You need some food and water too. Come, I know a place where they have both".

* * *

"I can't do this right now", he says tiredly, with a broken undertone in his voice. His back turned to her, again. He reclines in that deep basin full of water in the underground tavern of Utai City. His wet hair glued to his neck.

They used the same water and the same basin to scrub off the dirt – life is harsh on Utapau, and only Maz can find a joint like this, where their very basic needs are met. She went first. Then Ben.

Rey feels uncomfortable because of this unwarranted intimacy. The water, even though it's cleaned and pretreated so that the surplus salt has been eliminated, smells with an odd, chemical smell. It's lukewarm, and it has an opalescent quality to it. But it still makes her relax her over-tensed muscles. She immerses herself once, closing her eyes tightly. It stings. But under water, she can pretend none of this has happened. She can pretend all is in good order. Jakku now looks almost like a safe-haven of dullness and peace.

She quickly jumps out of that place to change: loose open weave tabard, resembling Jedi tradition – the only spare one she has – the boots and pants stolen from the First Order and her old belt.

But the restlessness is nested deep in her heart ever since they left Dagobah in silence. Him, at the co-pilot's seat, weary and broken as she has never seen him before. Troubled. Gaze feverish. He's too weak to go back to that place mentally, but it visibly haunts him.

She can't have him in this state. Dark nexuses are difficult to decipher – when do they tell the truth, and when they tell a lie? But it doesn't even matter – what matters is, the effect they leave on her and on him. Darkness on Ahcht-to whispers scornfully the things she already knows. But darkness there is almost refined and subdued compared to Dagobah – its source hits like a hammer and roars like a wild beast.

What will he do?

Rey has to know.

"What did you see in that cave"? She persists, trying to retain that same consideration from Dagobah, but her voice betrays her apprehensiveness. "You must tell me. It's not only you and me now – it's my friends, the galaxy, everything".

And as she pronounces the last words, he stands up, quite abruptly. She doesn't have enough time to avert her gaze so she sees… most of him.

Rey is flushed.

But then again, it is she who persisted and stepped into something that was clearly acutely painful to him. She still can't trust him, and perhaps that's what's the most hurtful thing of all. Rey senses he shut her off, his strength slowly building up again in him.

"Many things, Rey. Haven't you noticed by now the Dark Side is sort of… chatty"?

She doesn't answer. When she dares to raise her eyes, he is changed into that mismatch of Resistance fighter's uniform and the First Order uniform they provided. Grey and tan: but that small change softens his appearance dramatically.

"Tell me", she lowers her voice, trying to sound as pulled-up together as possible.

He gazes at her intently. He was really deeply injured there, and it's not only about the physical injuries. He knew even Luke hasn't stayed there for too long, and for a good reason.

"I've seen many things", he repeats slowly, his voice altering to a low growl. "Visions of possible futures – three paths I can take. They say you're free to choose, but the options are dwindling".

A small, dark laughter forms at the base of his throat, in that moving protuberance.

But he doesn't let her in his mind, leaving her pleading for a simple communication.

"What was it, Ben"? She asks again, this time far less demanding. (Her own mind forms an unsettling question of how the water infused in her scent and her dirt affects him.)

He tenses, that dark humor leaving him altogether – he struggles to both answer and not answer at all. But finally he stands up to his feet. He has leverage that feels like a curse – that cave gave him insights she could only dream of.

"I can turn you, Rey", he utters and she shudders. "It showed me the way. I could destroy all the Jedi ways in you –"

He wants to make his point as clear as possible.

He is not lying. He is conveying to her exactly what that dark nexus told him.

So she tenses – and listens.

Ben continues and it almost appears like the old shadow is back again.

His voice is reduced to a low growl.

"It would go far more easily than you think. You would become my Empress. No one would stand in our way. With you, I would sire a powerful bloodline of Force users that would span over thousands of generations. We would restore the order and progress. The galaxy would tremble at our feet".

No.

The Force bond trembles between them anxiously, if even slightly ominously.

Her sheer determination to resist the Dark Side is terrifying, but his words reverberate at some level – she stepped into darkness at least twice. Shamelessly, recklessly, without a second thought. First on Ahch-to, then in the Throne Room – the pain she suffered under Snoke's influence and the despair that clashed against her defenses the moment she realized Ben Solo won't be the hero galaxy needs, but her own executioner, left her raging and howling. How stupid she was. How naïve. Snoke was right:

 _Pathetic child._

She clenches her jaws, but says nothing. She can tell the Dark Side was very particular in its instructions.

"And other ways"? She makes a whispering growl. "You spoke of other ways – what are they"?

But he flexes. The bond between them lightens again.

"I could've stayed on Dagobah", he says simply. "Finish my training with the Jedi spirits. Live the life of a recluse, like Wan Kenobi, Yoda or Luke. But under one simple condition – I can never leave the planet again. Not in a million years, not even after my death, not even if the whole galaxy around me was burning".

Rey distinctly feels he was pondering about this possibility all the way to here. It sounds reasonable – it even sounds like too light of a punishment for his crimes. But the last bit perplexes her.

He sits back again at the edge of the basin and rubs the last remaining moisture from his face.

His eyes turn soft and fill up with melancholy.

"What else have you seen"? She whispers and lowers herself slowly on a simple bench in that desolate room, so now she's at the same level with him.

"I could follow you", he says softly. "Not join the Resistance – they will never accept me, but I could simply follow you. Stay by your side. And I will follow you. Help you build your weapon. Fight alongside you. Help you pull the First Order down".

Her heart quickens at these words. She thinks there are parts of her heart that were unused all of her life up until that point: and now they're gorged with blood, pumping joyfully and strong.

"Ben", she utters.

At last - the Skywalker legend reborn: the hero galaxy needs. And so much more than that - a hero redeemed, a young boy saved from his re-iterating nightmare.

Rey can feel tears welling into her eyes.

He now looks at her. Not a quantum of that old threat, nothing of a sort – just soft eyes, pleading with her.

The strain of the previous days catches up with her – she doesn't ask anything else any more. The Force between them vibrates almost like a betrothal, like a promise.

She stands up to walk slowly in that vibrant Force bond with him.

She leans in and lands a small kiss at the edge of his lips. Even through the Force bond, he feels real, warm and present: brittle hairs against her cheek and his lips soft and salty from that chemically treated water.

No visions – only simple human touch. But somehow, that means so much more to her.

 _Rey._

"Rey!" Finn barges into her room without knocking. "The First Order. We're busted. We have to go, now!"


	17. Chapter 17

This is pretty much an action-packed chapter. I rarely wrote action before, but I had a lot of fun writing this one. With how much success - it's on you to decide. ;) Again, a dreadnought is destroyed with the help of an unorthodox ally. Ben shows reckless courage and Rey loves him even more for it.

* * *

 _This technological terror is nothing compared to the power of the Force._

Sith Lord Vader.

* * *

A Mandator IV-class Siege dreadnought "Nephallactis" and a Resurgent class Starship "Invictus" approach Pau'an City.

Ben saw them already on the screen of his TIE silencer and recognizes their names and the names of their newly appointed generals, all young men loyal to Hux and all desperately eager to recapitulate the old glory of the Empire.

"They bring that dreadnought with one single purpose", Poe says and tenses. "They will obliterate the Pau'an City. They didn't falter with Coruscant who is an Imperial stronghold, so why would they be gentler to old Rebel and Jedi sympathizers"?

It's a terrifying thought to all of them.

Soon enough, as they are priming their ships for a quick evacuation, the loudspeakers and the screens on the landing dock activate with an emergency broadcast from the First Order.

"Pau'ans", Hux roars in his insufferable tone. "You hide a gang of dangerous criminals that demolished the centre of Coruscant and a deadly traitor, Kylo Ren. Relinquish them and your planet will be spared".

"Great, just great", Poe mutters. "Rey, go to the turret. We'll make them chase after us and pull them away from the city".

"No – you hyper-jump immediately with the "Falcon"," Ben interferes. "I'll distract them. Hux hates me more than he cares about the rebels right now. I'll meet with you later".

Rey feels weary of all these rushed decisions and Poe frowns even further, which is by now almost a physical impossibility.

He has to concur with Kylo Ren, which is in a way a greater challenge than being tortured by the man.

 _Take the saber,_ he speaks to her mind. _Ahsoka Tano._ _The data-pads are on Naboo in Padme's family villa._

Rey frowns.

 _Once we meet there, you'll show it to me yourself,_ she retorts and rushes to the guns of the "Falcon".

 _Rey._

But they are already gone.

* * *

Of course, Poe won't leave Pau'an City to its doom: the pacifist population of the planet was more often than not at the side of the Republic, with the sole exception of the Inquisitor who was considered something of an anomaly on his own home-planet; and Maz is still there, trying to accelerate the evacuation and protect her smuggled goods she has hidden on the planet (the old alien was always that special mix of idealism and practicality) – and also, Poe wants to make a statement.

"Connect me to their ship, Chewie", Poe says.

Hux's voice breaks from the other side almost immediately:

"Relinquish that traitor and I might even consider sparing your lives".

But Poe flexes mentally:

"This is General Poe Dameron of the Resistance fleet. You are now officially breaking the Galactic treaty regarding the safety of civilians. Your penile overcompensation of a gun destroyed Coruscant, and you fired it away too much and too early. Problems in that department, aye, Hugsie"?

Short silence ensues.

"I'm not falling for that cheap trick again, you rebel scum", Hux shrieks and the connection breaks.

Poe grins from ear to ear.

"Well, if we die today", he says, bringing the priming sequence to the end. "I'll die laughing".

Rey's heart twitches. She feared Poe might even negotiate with Hux: that's how much hatred he has for Kylo Ren – but he didn't. A true general he is, indeed.

Loyal until the end.

* * *

A direct hit to the Insurgent class ship snaps Hux from his crimson rage.

It is the TIE silencer.

"So, he is not their prisoner as I suspected – he is protecting that scum now", Hux hisses, but is in a way exalted. "Wonderful – I'll obliterate them both in a single blow. General Winsted, prime the dreadnought. Aim for the city".

His relentless eyes dart a glance to his other newly appointed general.

"General Paze, destroy the traitor".

But by that point, Ben is already shaving off their lateral guns.

Finn sees this from the control room. His jaw falls down slightly and Rey smiles. _How proud Han and Leia would be._

"He saw that from me", Poe grunts, as the "Falcon" plunges away from the ship, followed by a TIE squadron.

 _Why haven't you hyper-jumped yet? Rey?_

 _They are priming the dreadnought anyway. They are murderers._

 _Rey - ._

 _No, Ben._

He makes that impossible spinning maneuver again and sends 3 TIE fighters chasing him into a blazing swirl.

 _I'll take out the dreadnought. You run. Do you understand me?_

Rey instinctively raises her eyes to see his ship, but it is beyond her vision. She ponders for a nanosecond, but sees his reasoning as the least of two evils.

"Poe", she yells through the communication device. "Let Ben take the dreadnought down. You cover him with "Falcon"."

"I do what?!"

"That silencer is faster and smaller than "Falcon". They can't hit him the way they can hit us. Stay away from the ship and clean their guns".

"Damn it", Poe is exasperated, but follows the lead. He again has to admit that the man has a point.

* * *

The space is ablaze with explosions: brilliant golden, yellow, green and red, the most majestic kind of fireworks galaxy has seen – one of them hits the TIE silencer and mutilates its weapon system. Miraculously, the craft itself is still in one piece and is still roaring under his pilot's command to its target.

Only now, it's a straight-forward suicidal mission.

Poe sees a kind of poetic justice in it.

Only if Rey could see it that way.

"Leave him to his fate, Rey", Poe sighs.

 _If he dies, I might even consider seeing him as human,_ he thinks the obvious.

Although the body count is not on Kylo Ren's side no matter what he does.

"Ben", she yells to the communication device. "Disengage now! Poe knows the way to deflect the beam!"

Actually, he doesn't. He doesn't want to see Pau'an City destroyed, but he can't do anything from this distance and with TIE squadrons swarming around them like flies.

"Rey", Finn utters. "He does this so you can escape".

(He never thought he would see a day like this – his former leader, the cruelest man in existence, sacrificing himself for what he loves, not destroying what he hates. _Strange things_ , Finn thinks. Almost as strange as a deflecting Stormtrooper, trained and conditioned since birth.)

But Rey is relentless.

"No!"

 _Ben!_

But the silence answers her in place of the Force bond. He is shut off - again. He'll finish what he started - the suicidal mission that began a long time ago.

* * *

"Ben, what are you doing"?

"I'm taking down the dreadnought", he hisses with his own voice as he avoids another three TIE fighters.

"I can see that", Luke adds matter-of-factly, but the frustration of an old teacher permeates his tone. "What I mean is, how do you plan to pull down the dreadnought since your weapon system is off"?

Ben stays silent as he rushes into another spiraling maneuver that seems impenetrable to the squadrons that spring at him like swarming flies.

Finally, he squeezes his answer through clenched teeth.

"Why do you have this unsavory habit of disappearing when you're needed the most, and showing up again when you're the least wanted"?

He is at the verge of using expletives, but contains himself. He never saw himself as a man who'll die with the F word on his lips.

Luke is apparently exasperated.

"You always had this tendency of over-dramatizing things, Ben".

Rey's voice permeates through the communication channel.

"Ben", she screams. "Disengage now! Leave the dreadnaught, Poe knows the way to deflect the beam. Ben"!

But he doesn't answer and rips off the device's chips this time – she managed to override his block last time: that is, some minutes ago when she realized he is now without a weapon and still rushing to the core of the dreadnaught.

"I helped them build the First Order", he squeezes again through his teeth as his ship starts trembling, caught in the energy field of the dreadnought. "I'll help them destroy it".

Ben has no time to debate with this old man. He won't die with an expletive, but he won't die arguing with the old fool either.

He is at the periphery of the dreadnought core as his former master sighs - then gestures.

And the Force bends underneath them like a tsunami.

The veins on Ben's neck tense to a breaking point as he tries to keep the steering under control – the silencer is convulsing violently. But he is determined to remain disobedient until the very end.

And he can't be quite sure, but at the precise same moment, he thinks he sees Luke's eyes rolling.

"Pull the ship up, Ben", Luke says with the same undertone of an annoyed school-master at the end of a long school day.

Ben now openly barks at him.

"What"?!

"The dreadnought will implode in 10 seconds", Luke adds. "And I don't think you want to be there when it happens".

"What have you done, old man"?!

"Just pull the ship up, _kid_ ".

* * *

"General", the first officer of the "Nephallactis" screams at the top of his lungs. "The sequence is in an overload!"

The panic spills over in the control room like molten lava.

Winsted tries the last desperate attempt, one he knows for sure is quite impossible – all his training and all his days at the military academy taught him this. Dreadnought is a powerful weapon, but once instigated, it soon reaches a point no code can override. It's a death trap, but his will to live makes him irrational.

"Pause the sequence, officer"!

"I can't – it's the point of no return now, General"!

And as the stranded crew, some 100.000 of them, scrambles to escape the doomed ship, it implodes. Only a single TIE silencer escapes by springing up from the burning fountain of the crumbling ship underneath.

Parts of dreadnought crumble on the Destroyer, wreaking havoc on the unprepared ship.

No one within the "Invictus"'s crew suspects a disembodied spirit can do this sort of damage.

* * *

 _Naboo. Go to Naboo._

His voice betrays weariness and immense relief and a sort of shock – she can sense all his wonder and all his disbelief.

Rey would gladly reach out with her hand to the battered TIE silencer seconds before they hyper-jump. Reckless, stupid, and brave – Han would be so proud. She knows it.

"Let's go to Naboo", she says to Poe. "There is a shelter the First Order knows nothing about".

Poe finds it unfathomable – the First Order occupied the planet the moment the Hosnian system was destroyed – but some kind of wild and unrelenting determination in her voice makes him comply, albeit begrudgingly.

"Damn it, Rey", he says, but a smile escapes his frowning face.

 _What a day._


	18. Chapter 18

_The rose quartz stone represents eternal love, and it is generally regarded to have the healing power to resolve anger and disappointments. Ancient Greek myth tells of the stone receiving its color from the blood Aphrodite spilt in attempt to save her dying mortal lover Adonis. Both lovers bled over the stone, and its lasting stain is meant to represent eternal love._

* * *

Ben navigates them to an abandoned landing dock from the Old Republic era. He knows this planet well – its influence on him both soothing and nostalgic. She can feel it and this ever refining connection between them slowly precipitates from compassion and joy to rage and frustration in the light of his attack on the Dreadnought. Rey would otherwise pay attention to the seemingly endless green forests of emerald and the outlines of rose quartz carved city bathed in descending sun, but now she has only one single thought on her mind.

Poe has seen that expression already. One she had in battle or during the training with her quarterstaff, desperate to imagine the feel of Luke's light-saber in her hands. He learnt to love that gaze, like everything else on her.

So it is no surprising he finds some satisfaction when, upon landing, he hears a resounding sound of a slap behind his back and her threatening voice, sort of joyous low growl.

Pity he couldn't see it for himself, since he was preoccupied with assessment of damage done on "Falcon". The old junk became something of a great metaphor for his own self.

"If you try something like that ever again, I'll kill you myself".

Small smile forms on Ben's face – something almost apologetic and innocent about it. And just a small shade that flees over his face, but she doesn't detect it as she is overwhelmed with relief and wild joy.

Finn and Poe would personally still break open his skull, when presented with the chance, and Chewie… he is just torn apart. He was here before, and many times at that. He remembers acutely, which is not a surprise since chewbaccas are well known for their superior memory.

 _Don't embrace me – they're watching. You'll put yourself at odds with everyone else._

 _Rey, no - ._

But the deed is already done. It's awkward and she has to climb all the way up to the tip of her toes, and he's painfully reluctant, but he doesn't recoil.

And it is a small victory on the part of the Light, Rey thinks.

In secrecy and in the dark recesses of her mind, she would dwell on the moment just after they defeated the Praetorians. With hall enshrouded in deadly calm, she could almost pretend they were the only remaining people in the galaxy. Rey imagined herself slowly approaching, climbing on tip of her toes so she might be at the same level with his face and embracing him with both her arms slowly and carefully. But she felt the touch would be too much for both of them to bear. She couldn't trust him, not quite. And he would have recoiled from her touch, she could sense it clearly. He almost jumped out of his own skin in that moving elevator. The wounds he suffered at Snoke's hands are deep.

His cheek sores. She really didn't spare him. Little more force than that, and she'd probably break his nose. But the skin gives in – the old wound is faintly bleeding where it's the thinnest. It is just one endless haze - the mortal dread and confusion to the point of insanity the moment she realized he wants to end his life, colliding with the dreadnought.

"Rey", Poe clears his throat and snaps her from her incoherent thoughts. "Chewie wants an apology for what you said before".

She blinks. She really can't remember. Everything is just one endless haze.

"The ship", Poe grins. "It's not quicker than the "Falcon". The poor guy is hurt".

The thing isn't really that funny, but something inside Rey snaps and she is on her backside, laughing frenziedly. Snorting and laughing, tears rolling from both sides of her face – her laughter so infective that even Poe's thoughts of licking Ben's brain matter dissipate like dust in the wind. He smirks, partially proud on his own joke that made her laugh so wildly.

She is filled with unbridled joy. At this point, she thinks she could punch her fist right through the First Order, to their very last Supremacy class battleship and defeat them all in one single blow.

"Come", Ben says eventually, struggling to smile (but the grimace is like a rusted device, it won't move again so easily after years of neglect). "They didn't detect us, but I don't know what to expect once we get to the… house".

* * *

On their way through to there, Rey recognizes there is more to this – to everything that happened, and he knows again more than he's conveying. She finds herself striding compliantly after him, like a pupil after her peer. Had they somehow managed to be at the Jedi academy at the same time, their everyday would probably feel exactly like this. Him, filtrating the information for her to process, and her, pestering him with her nerd-like inquisitiveness, scrambling at her feet behind him.

She smiles. Darkness is all but forgotten now.

And it's not only that. She understands by now that, the same way every kyber crystal has its own hidden life, every single planet acts as one unique living being with its own character and life. Naboo reverberates with warmth and nostalgia, with promise of things unfolding and with hope – but there is a permeating sadness in this place, as well. This planet resisted long and stubborn against the Empire, and then against the First Order. It fell, and then it rose again, and then the wheel was spun once again. There was inherent stamina to this place – a kind of invincible life-giving energy that can't be snuffed out.

It is now in the hands of the First Order, ever since the Hosnian cataclysm. But the First Order's rule here is uncertain, to her amazement and much delight. She senses the planet is full of living and breathing resistance. It doesn't matter they didn't appear on Crait – the very fact they exist breathes new hope.

"Poe", she turns to the general. "What are your intels on this place?"

He practically re-formulates her exact thoughts from before: a remaining core of the Resistance, full of sympathizers and "sleepers" – many friends and loyal acquaintances of the late General Organa still alive, at least according to their not-so-distant information. He again has to concur with Ben Solo.

Wait, did he say: Ben Solo?

"Poe", Rey raises her eyebrows and her expression lights up.

"It is just a slip of the tongue, kid", he grunts back, but can't bear for her to lose that enthusiasm. (He should rise above this bunch of kids, Poe thinks. His approaching 35th birthday should feel differently, not like this hectic running around the galaxy following the conflicted man-child of his late chief commander and he dares say, late friend.)

"It's here", Ben whispers back at them mixing anticipation and relief and sadness.

Chewie makes a low growl.

"I know, uncle Chew…" Ben whispers back almost automatically and bites on his lip. The beast's growl turns to a long, sad wail.

"The Stormtroopers", Ben swallows hard and whips his head back to where that sound comes, discernible only to him and Chewie.

"Leave it to me", he says and strides out in the open with little too much eagerness.

"You will proceed with your patrol and leave the house unwatched", he says in a low, authoritative tone.

Rey holds her breath. With the wear and tear of the battle, crumpled, dressed in that mishmash of stolen First Order uniforms and with their battered, out-dated blasters, a freely walking Chewbacca notwithstanding, they really look as conspicuous as anyone in the galaxy. A child would recognize Resistance from afar, not a dozen of well trained Stormtroopers.

He is still so proud and so arrogant. Hadn't he outstretched himself, drunk with the victory over the Dreadnought? She doesn't question his powers, she only questions if it is possible to subdue twelve men with Force all at once, and after all they've already been through.

Rey clenches her fists around her blaster. She really needs her saber alive and well. She could almost wish it back to existence. She focuses on the approaching men instead and makes a mental count of them in her head. Ben's Force thickens around him and she sends her own initiative like millions of invisible fine threads there with him.

 _Never go without me, not ever again – do you hear me?_

But he is focused and therefore much more efficient than she is.

The commanding Stormtrooper, the one who only seconds ago growled at him to state the reason of his visit, since he's dangerously close to the prohibited zone, now stands mute and absent-minded.

"We'll proceed with our patrol and leave the house unwatched", he repeats almost perfectly and his men follow him as he strides away.

They wait until the squadron is lost from their sight. Rey can feel Poe flexing behind her.

"Damn it", he murmurs.

Even Ben looks slightly taken aback with the fact it all went so easily.

"Come", he gestures at them all again.

There is a glistening wall reflecting the last remaining rays of setting sun. It is white marble painted with the pink hue of the sunset. Dark cypresses encircle the entrance. It hasn't been abandoned very long time ago, but it is left in the state of haste and confusion and hasn't been revisited ever since, parts of hospital equipment and broken data pads scattered on the sideway zigzagging up to the entrance.

Ben knows the code. It hasn't changed. Something nostalgic about it – he enters the digits with outmost care, like he wants to savor every second of it. The door opens with a soft click.

They're inside.


	19. Chapter 19

Rey builds her saber with Ben't help.

Also - this is a gentle and delicate chapter about our two crazy kids lost in this crazy world. I wrote it while listening to beautiful rendition of an old German troubadour poem called: "In such a high feeling of delight" (In so hoher swebender Wunne) written by Heinrich von Morungen in 1225, performed by Helium Vola. It is an extremely tender song, full of yearning, hope and melancholy. Check it out – it's really worth it.

What beauty I look upon

reflects the joy I experience.

Air and soil, woods and meadows

shall share my joy.

I'm overwhelmed by a happy delusion

and wonderful comfort

which strengthens my resolve.

* * *

The villa Varykino is a vast and lavish place that somehow, although it clearly shows the signs of rampage and chaos, retains the sense of intimacy and welcoming.

Finn whistles in amazement, taken aback by the size and elegance of the building. However, Poe was here once while the New Republic still resisted the attacks of the First Order and remembers all the fighters that were lost in the war that ensued.

And now, Ben Solo – Kylo Ren is here with them, in the middle of the emptiness he helped create.

Poe frowns. There is a large stencil of the First Order crest on the door right before him. It feels like a desecration: that black spoked wheel spat over the door that once held the hope of the galaxy - it led to the emergency Resistance command center. Poe can almost feel Leia's physical presence behind that door, her husky and energetic voice and the light that she emanated. The general lets his rucksack fall on the floor with a bang that resonates through the empty house.

"We can't stay here for much longer", he almost snaps. "The First Order may be thinned out, but we're exposed in this place. You take some time to rest. Tomorrow, we're outta here".

Ben nods. He complies with the Resistance general. The stencil mocks him too, and his old disdain against the First Order and their misguided, filthy ambitions pains him as much as his involvement with them. On the other hand, Rey and Finn share the same sentiment – they suspect both of them will just wake up from a very strange dream. A dream that has become so dear to her.

They pass hallways and abandoned rooms. The First Order seized then vacated the manor in a rush. The walls are scratched and the medical equipment and trashed droids lie around. Ben is silent. The image of this place torn apart, no matter how welcoming it is still, pains him visibly. He rushes to the end of that corridor and opens a blast door that reveals a long and relatively narrow terrace overlooking the lush greenery of Naboo bathing in late sunset, with glistening stars appearing above the horizon. He breathes in like a man who long struggled to breathe.

The scenery is so beautiful despite all, so much so that Rey has to stop and gasp.

"If I was born in a place like this, I would never want to leave", she says without even thinking.

Ben turned his head to her – she obviously said something that both amazed and startled him.

„I was coming here as a boy", he said. „During the summer season, during the holidays. When I was still... a Jedi apprentice".

„Some of my fondest memories are buried here", he added. „We drank coffee on this terrace. We observed the light sculptures on the Intergalactic Day of Peace from there. She told me her war-time stories and listened to my Jedi academy nonsense and fears. I was... happy. And she was too, I think".

But Rey can hear the thundering regret in her mind.

 _The last year before everything broke to pieces was full of downpours with thunders and full of misery. Even the nature itself recoiled at the thought of what I was about to do – about to become._

"Don't", she says. "I remember what I saw. It was not a lie. You won't bow your head to anyone ever again. You'll be free. You are already free".

He turns to her with his face reflecting sorrow and doubt. "Do not trust the visions too much, Rey", he says soft-spoken, again like a peer to a youngling. "Better yet, don't trust them at all. Let things happen as they come. And trust no one but yourself".

He lets the fresh air come in and expulse the stale atmosphere of the sealed place. Rey realizes this is probably the first time in a long time that both of them had enough space and time to just breathe in, not being cramped in small wood cabins, enclosed in hermetically closed space-ships or shut off in a claustrophobic position of power none of them ever wanted to begin with.

"I left all my manuscripts and my data-pads behind", he said. „Everything there is to know about bleeding out the Dark Side from a saber. Everything about Ahsoka Tano. Everything there is about the construction of the activation matrix. The maps of planets with kyber ore. The list is shorter after the First Order, but we'll think of something".

He gestures at her to come with him. They enter an anteroom, then a smaller room that looks completely stripped down. But he has a purposeful, focused stride this time that shows her he knows exactly what he's looking for. His fingers inspect a corner of the wall and find a hidden touch screen, undetected by the enemy. A small fragment of the wall moves and protrudes in a shape of an antic crate.

He made this as a very young boy and she can't help but smile at his elaborate geekiness.

"Yes, I made this", he says, crouching above the make-shift shelf. "I fantasized about being surrounded by the imperials and hiding my saber and my holocrons in a hidden compartment".

He makes a weak attempt to smile, but the smile fades even before it reaches his face. "It was almost prophetic, when you think about it", he adds, bitterly, and reaches for the datapads and meticulously written scrolls, some of them looking almost as ancient as the books she took from Ahch-to.

„You probably find me sappy", he said and made a low ironic laughter. „Pathetic and foolish. What could possibly go wrong so badly to make me what I was? Many children have busy parents. Many children grow up in far harsher conditions. You – I saw what they did to you".

„Nevermind that", she whispers softly. „It's all in the past".

He inspects her for a moment, datapads and scrolls stacked in his hands.

„I would never leave you, Rey", he whispers back. „No matter what – no matter what happened".

„I know", she says and fights against the urge to kiss him on that hurt cheek again. She takes some of the scrolls from him.

He was right; she has to be considerate to the rebels. They made their camp in the large medical bay that is still cluttered with beds and some remaining equipment that they may have some use from. She hears the weak echoes of their voices behind her. They still don't trust Ben, but they tolerate him for her sake and for the sake of him taking down the dreadnought.

"Rey", he says, catching her last thoughts. "I didn't take down the dreadnought. It was Luke. He appeared in the TIE silencer and destroyed the ship. I don't know how. I didn't know a Force ghost was capable of what he's done".

Rey is startled. A scroll falls from her arms, but she is oblivious – why didn't she sense Luke's presence? Is she really so weary and so weak? On Jakku, she had recurring (and prophetic) dreams about the island, and now she couldn't tell her master was present from a mile?

And then it dawned on her – she was so consumed by fear and by anguish at the thought of losing him that it clouded her judgment and blocked even that raw power of hers. Rey feels her face turns to red as another dimension of her compassion unravels before her.

But there is something else, too. Something that balances out her failure.

"Ben", she whispers. "He showed himself to you. He decided to help you because the Force willed it".

Ben could stare at that smile that forms on her face for days on end without even noticing.

Rey would gladly kiss him again, this time long and foolishly and recklessly, but her shyness and the manuscripts in her hands and the task ahead prevent her from leaning into him.

Rey pulled the Jedi books out from her rucksack and then a glow rod. The power was cut from the building and the night on Naboo is deep and dark, so that little light source barely covers the space in which she and Ben are sitting, legs crossed.

Rey has a small set of mechanical equipment with her, always, ever since Jakku – she doesn't know if it will suffice to fix Luke's blade, but one thing she is certain of – the saber is not built by mere technology alone.

Rey eventually takes out the broken shards of Luke's saber and lets Ben inspect them. He shudders at the recollection of how the saber was broken, just like she did the first time she was left alone with the aftermath.

But a small smile of reassurance breaks on his face.

"Nevermind", he says. "It took a Skywalker to build this, a Skywalker to break it, and then the new Jedi to bring it together".

Rey's face is caught in the middle of a beam from a lighthouse – she looks at him, amazed with his kind and optimistic words. He became so gentle in these past days, but she never sensed so much optimism from him, not until now.

She smiles – this is, after all, a house of Light. He came here for a reason. He didn't destroy this place as Kylo Ren for a reason, just as he couldn't bring himself to destroy Leia on "Raddus".

They lay out everything in front of one another – where Jedi texts are cryptic, Ben's manuals are written under direct supervision by Luke and very meticulous. Rey is not only eager to construct the activation matrix: she is acutely curious to find out something more about his past. Something before the whole tragedy – the life of Ben Solo as a Jedi apprentice. She admires his discipline – she notices he is ambidextrous, and that his handwriting is ridiculously neat and precise. She almost giggles at the fact how fond he is of calligraphy and pens.

She senses another powerful Force wielder – Ahsoka Tano. Luke obtained her own notes on the bleeding of kyber ore and constructing two sabers from one. If only they could figure out how to do the same, only in reverse – to make the two-bladed saber from the broken kyber core.

"You could grind the crystal to pieces, it would still be unbroken", he says. "That's what Empire always failed to realize. The core of the belief is indestructible".

It is early morning when they finally manage to reconstruct the hilt. The glow rod blends with the dim light of the dawn.

The Jedi texts instruct the wielder to meditate over his or hers saber before the final activation. It will take a lot of concentration on Rey's part, but she knows the credo and the incantations by heart by now. She read it over and over again, etching the words into her mind.

"I'll leave you alone", he says, flexing his numb feet under him. "You need to concentrate on it. I don't want to stand in your way".

He bites on his lip and adds, playfully: "Not that it was a problem for you anyway".

"That's not true and don't pamper my vanity", Rey smiles. "Stay. Just… stay".

She needs his guidance as a senior Force user just as she needs his mere, human presence. He can't be a hindrance – he is becoming what he needs to become, a beacon of light.

Rey focuses and starts with the Jedi credo, reaching out with both her body and soul.

Ben can almost see the Force swirling around her alongside with the ends of her tabard and her hair, millions of fine tendrils spiraling upwards, reminiscent of the light sculptures, but much more refined.

She will make it. He had no doubt in his mind and now he feels honored to be able to witness this. It happens once in a thousand years for a Jedi master to create a new blade, which this one will be. His own experience with bleeding the Light Side from his ancient Mandalorian saber was more than underwhelming – it almost mutilated and killed him, and the end result was the constantly unstable plasma beam.

Once she has her weapon, he will revert his saber to its original state. Only a small shade permeates his mind – but what if he can't? What if he is still stuck too close to the Dark Side for comfort? He turns his attention to his own weapon – it holds still. The light of this place holds it in obedience. It usually hisses and murmurs almost dementedly at his hip, but now it feels like a slick rock at the bottom of an ocean – eternal, perfect and undisturbed.

But he can't think for long about anything else but her – with each passing moment, she holds even greater power over him and he willingly lets her to. She looks so beautiful now, even more beautiful than she usually does, if that is even possible. He observes how that light around her turns from white to the color of pale rose petals and swirls of grey, and into shimmering white again. She appears almost weightless as her incantations become a soft echo of ancient language in his mind, a breeze in this room filling with light. And now he sees why – she starts levitating slowly and elegantly. Ben smiles – levitation was a sign of a mature Jedi master, of control and of balance.

She will be the undoing of the First Order – and a promise of a new one that is yet to come. He knew it on Coruscant, and now he realizes it in its full potential.

"My love", he whispers absent-mindedly, like his heart suddenly has a language of his own. Only for a moment frightened that he'll somehow disrupt her ascension, he tenses in his place. But no – she can't hear him in this state and nothing can harm her now. Not now, or ever – and he will be at her side all the time to make sure it stays like that.

Melancholy returns, however.

He didn't tell her everything that happened on Dagobah. She doesn't know all – and better still. When the Force wills it, she will know everything. The knowledge will be passed on to her. But not now. And certainly not in this place.

As he ponders on the future that waits ahead, the saber activates on its own, without her even touching it. It springs from both sides like fountain of pure energy and its light is bright white.


	20. Chapter 20

Rey finds Leia's hidden wardrobe in Varykino Retreat, containing Padme's wedding dress among other things. The dress triggers a powerful vision and Rey happily succumbs to it.

* * *

Rey wakes up from the meditation and slowly descends on her feet. She has the look of a child waken up on the morning of the Festival of Light and picks the saber up with outmost awe. She fears she might break it in two or disrupt it in some other way. But the beam is steady and the buzz it emits is almost barely audible.

Across the energy beam, she sees Ben's awe-struck face. He smiles.

„I should really wake up right now", she says with child-like sincerity.

„What makes you say that?", he asks, genuinely amused.

„It cannot be... all of this", she whispers merrily, just holding the saber in front of her like a delicate butterfly that would somehow escape if she moved too violently.

He smiles and walks slowly towards her. It's that moment she reiterated in her mind, but now, there is no ominous crimson glow around them, the dead bodies lying scattered as a testament to their brutal strength and the walls of the craft crumbling around them. The morning is early and bright, and it lights up the white-walled room around them.

She lets him place his bare hand across hers and across the hilt. Nothing – except the warmth of that touch, and the reassurance. Jakku children told stories of knights of the old pledging their loyalty to their princesses – it is a simple-minded comparison, but it is stuck in Rey's mind. Something genuine and uncorrupted about the whole thing makes her think of those fairy tales.

Finn's wide-eyed face protrudes from the half-opened door.

„Can you believe this?", she exclaims, smiling brightly and wild with joy, again like a child eager to show her most precious toy and most precious possession to her friend.

She pulls the saber gently from under Ben's grip and turns to Finn. A part of her is a definite show-off: she gains courage to spin the blade around her, letting the plasma beams buzz and sing and make a whipping sound. The years of quarterstaff use pay off beautifully – both Ben and Finn observe her with awe.

„I really can't", Finn says eventually and smiles almost as brightly as she. „Rey – Rose is awake since early this morning. Kay contacted us some minutes ago".

* * *

As they pack to leave, which fills both of them with sort of tender sorrow – no one wants to leave this place that harbors so much light and substitute it with the old road of uncertainty and war – Rey senses something new. It is wall, or something behind it. Another chamber – hidden, but built in between two rooms. She glances at Ben, but he is seemingly unaware. That is something built after his time spent here and he can't pick that energy right away.

„I don't know", he says, sincerely. „Why don't you ask Poe?"

Rey waves with her hand. „He's too preoccupied with other things. He already thinks we're just a bunch of disoriented kids he needs to be nanny to".

He grins – in a way, she is so right. But her natural inquisitiveness doesn't let her be. _Just 10 minutes_ , she thinks. It will be enough. The presence is growing stronger, although it's muffled. It's like a desert flower she saw here and there on cacti of Jakku – for a long time, they are nothing more than unsightly lumps on the plant, and then, suddenly, they would burst open into opulent colors and majestic forms. A stark contrast to the unforgiving environment of the ravished planet.

Rey goes to the wall that felt so inviting and places her ear against it.

It is probably the effect of the saber re-activated, but she feels the gentle pull of the Force to one particular point. She presses the apparently empty wall, and as she suspected, it is a touch screen very similar to Ben's.

„You really don't know what this is?", she asks. „The design is very similar to yours".

He shakes his head, genuinely perplexed.

Small door barely opens, functioning on drained batteries. Both Ben and Rey have to push in to open it completely. Behind it, a windowless chamber appears. The air is perhaps five years old, no more. He has already deflected from the new Jedi order. No way he could know about this place, but it dawns on him immediately who built it.

„Mother", he whispers, and his voice trembles.

Rey's throat closes – the chamber is in semi-dark, even with the bright light of that day, and she activates the glow rod to illuminate their path.

First she can't recognize what those things are, hanging neatly placed and packed from reels spanning from wall to wall. But Ben knows.

„Her possessions", he says in a low voice, glued to the entrance. „And Padme's. Whatever she found. I didn't know she moved them in here".

Rey is already inside and glances over her shoulder at him. He is practically crucified at the door.

„Amazing the First Order didn't trash this whole place down", she says, trying somehow to pull him from this miserable state. „Or the Master of the Knights of Ren – I heard stories. He was a tyrant. And then a young Jedi saved him, to dismay and delight of many".

„Fairy-tales, kid", he says, smiling palely, but appreciating her effort.

She comes back to him and takes him by his hand.

„Come", she whispers. „You need this. She made all of this with the hope you'll once come back. Why would she use the same design you did?"

In the dim light it's hard even for her to tell for sure, but she can almost swear his eyes are welling over with tears.

Reluctantly, he enters.

„The dress she wore at the celebration of defeat over the Empire, when the first Death Star was destroyed", he mutters awkwardly and points to a delicate textile hanging under shiny synthetic wrappings.

Rey is amazed. These were the things that were the material of fairy-tales. Not in a million years would she believe she would be plunged into this world of Resistance fighters and princesses and dark knights. _I surely, positively must be dreaming_ , she says to herself and for a moment, even forgets about his pain. Another thing, resembling wings of a giant butterfly pressed gently together, attracts her attention. She comes closer to inspect the intricate fabric, a sort she never saw before (then again, her pinnacle were her Jedi tabard and grey woolen hood, reinforced to sustain rain – and that's all). It's lace, and it's white. She is really wonderfully clueless, despite all her Jedi insights. Not to embarrass herself fully with her complete lack of knowledge, she lets the object speak for itself.

The thing – the dress, because it is what it is, she thinks and blushes over – pulls her into what feels like a vision of past. A young Jedi knight stands before her, smiling gently and passionately at her. Something about him resembles both Luke and Ben... she holds and blushes some more. Rey's eyes fall on the scabbard – it's the Skywalker's saber, no question about it. She darts a glance to the lake underneath, and sees not her face, but a face of a beautiful young woman, almond-shaped eyes, dressed in this lavish lace dress with an elaborate head-piece.

Although she feels like she crashed on someone else's memory, the environment isn't threatening at all. She was placed here with a reason. Nothing happens coincidentally in the Force.

„I really should not be here", she murmurs automatically in her vision and in that chamber.

At first, Ben thought she fell asleep on her feet – it happened to him multiple times, and he remembers the toll the construction of his saber took on him. But then he realizes where she is standing.

„Rey", he tries to call her, gently. That object isn't connected with good outcomes, and he is weary of loss.

„Rey!" , he raises his voice and tries to shake her shoulders, although very gently. She doesn't need to see that vision until the end. Her lack of knowledge is a blessing, not a curse.

In the vision, Rey practically tries to excuse herself and leave. _It's almost comical_ , she thinks and looks at the ornaments of her dress – pearls and complex embroidery. She never wore something like this and it looks downright awkward on her and feels unnervingly real. Her hands, hardened with years of rough work, act against the delicate strands of the lace with the grace of desert burdocks she used to plant for nutrition and as a water source on Jakku. And as she raises her gaze, the Jedi knight kisses her. _Gods of the galaxy._ She managed this better on Takodana.

And another embarrassing realization – is she actually being kissed by Anakin Skywalker? This is just... beyond ridiculous. She suspected the Force had a sort of twisted humor before, but this takes the trophy. The fact she was graced with rebirth of her saber probably had to be balanced out with this mockery. As she scrambles to glue herself from the man, as piously as she can, given he is Anakin Skywalker after all, she realizes the man is taller, although dressed the same as his predecessor.

It's Ben. Longer hair and beard than she remembers, but it's him. Smiling at her. Their foreheads practically touching.

Rey can't discern if it is for better or for worse and shudders.

„Are you alright, sweetheart?", he asks her gently. _Sweetheart._ Like that voice, again. It seemed as if all her senses, memories and all her imagination come back at her to mock her and to taunt her. She was a nothing and a scavenger, now she's this – sweetheart. It would all be so surreal, hadn't his tender breath on her forehead felt so real – then again, everything so far felt so real, her rough hands included. Only she would come to her own wedding in a beautiful dress and with unkempt hands and nails.

Then it dawns on her. She has mere minutes on disposal and a phantom can't make objections, after all.

„This is a dream, and I'll wake up", she says to the phantom and smiles, caressing his scarred cheek. The scar looks older and fainter in that vision, so she's completely positive she's safe with what she's about to do. He smiles back at her and winks: „You always say that".

She leans into him and stretches to the very tip of her toes. She kisses him back and is rather satisfied with both her skills and his reaction. Whatever happens in the future, he is healed and he enjoys the simple contact of their lips and just a bit of her tongue. Seconds later, she realizes she is actually levitating some centimeters over the ground. Rey giggles into his mouth. A Jedi wedding isn't something covered by the ancient texts. Uneti tree didn't burn for nothing. She closes her eyes and they kiss again, for what feels a lot longer than few seconds. Time holds to a standstill and Rey almost forgets how to breathe. Her hands go deep into the folds of his dark Jedi robes and her heart swells with pride of how handsome and noble and steadfast he is. She doesn't care if the vision is just a projection of her clandestine wishes or a glimpse of a future; she simply needs him and his gentleness so much.

„Rey", his voice now sounds more passionate and more startled.

„What", she utters and opens her eyes to the twilight of that chamber and to the realization she is actually kissing Ben, in reality of the present moment.

He didn't recoil back, but he's looking visibly uneasy and a question looms over his head. Given what he thinks about the visions, this one took him off his guard. He didn't peel her off only because he was afraid it would somehow harm her, that's how deep her trance appeared.

„You called me Anakin", he says and frowns. It is mostly concern about the meaning of the vision, but there is also a pang of wounded ego. After all, he was a vain young man still. „Your exact words were _: I'm sorry, Anakin, but I have to leave now_ ".

Rey opens her mouth to explain, but realizes it is too late to explain all in great detail now. She pulls him back before he has the time to protest and lets him into her mind. She refrains from kissing this time, but it is formidable tasks given his lips seem so inviting and so sensual, the previous contact drawing blood into that region.

She expected the vision would act soothingly and optimistically on him, but it's quite the opposite – he frowns and tenses. His gaze darkens and he says nothing.

„Do not trust the visions, even when they come from the Light Side", he says eventually. „The whole Jedi council full of well-meaning Light Siders misinterpreted the prophecy of the chosen one and it gave birth to the destroyer of the worlds, to Darth Vader. The man you so affectionally called Ani before".

He goes one step back and frowns some more.

„Let these things stay here", he says rather dryly. „They are here with a good reason".

And before she has the time to retort, Poe's voice echoes from the communicator.

„It's time", he says. „Our allies on Naboo informed us Theed is swarming with new squadrons. The whole system is being scanned, as far as Tatooine".

„You heard the General, Master Solo", she snaps back, ashamed and wounded by his scolding tone. Her rucksack is already packed and her saber is finished. The mission is complete as far Naboo is concerned.

„Rey", he says and tries to soften the effect of his words, but she is stubborn, ashamed and hurt.

She almost pushes him as she storms of from the chamber.

Ben stays there for some time, pondering on his lack of manners and his inaptness in kissing. He let her do it only because he was weak and afraid he'll hurt her. And in the end, he hurt her even more.

He puts his hand on his head – no, he let her do it because it felt so exhilarating. First there was the rush of anxiety threatening to sway him away completely. And then her compassion poured from her into him like a waterfall and he couldn't let go. He didn't want to. The sensation of her soft lips surpassed all his languid daydreams. The tug of her hands on his clothes made him tremble with fear and with yearning. He remembers too well the feeling of her back against his in the Throne Room – she didn't merely use him as a support and as someone to watch over her back. Rey was grateful for what he did – amazed and in shock. Her eyes, both pleading and fearless as she was dispatched by Snoke to be executed by him, revealed she was not afraid to die – she was only afraid of dying with the knowledge he was the unredeemable Jedi killer. Her longing for him to be Ben Solo urged him to become what she wanted, or at least the closest thing to it. She kicked two Praetorians violently and he felt her ribs pressing against his. Her hand grazed his hip. And her saber crackled high above his head. There was nothing more beautiful and more terrifying than her intense fragility of that moment. The whole thing haunted all of his nights from Crait to Coruscant incessantly.

He'll take all the scrolls and datapads and give them to her – he will pass the knowledge and it will eventually make her trust him again. He was, after all, a sort of historian of the Jedi order. Probably the worst one (he smiles to himself bitterly), but still the only remaining one in the existence. And what little time he has left with her, he won't squander foolishly like he did this time.

He snaps back into reality and throws another look at the chamber with a sigh. Then he remembers and goes straight to a crate Rey didn't have time to inspect (he grunts at her scavenger's inquisitiveness now). He takes what he thinks might redeem him just a little. It is good his mother left it here – but then again, why would she take it with her or leave anywhere else? That episode of her life was over a long time ago. The small object holds great emotional value and reflects the best moments of his dysfunctional family.

It belongs to this house of mist and memories and longing.

Leia left it for a reason. This place is either a tomb of all of her hopes for the future, or a time capsule she hoped to be re-opened when the time is ripe and her heirs of a sounder mind. He can't know for sure, considering all involved are dead, so he has to take that risk. Perhaps he'll really ask the pilot turned general for some insider information.

Chewbacca growls through the communicator.

„I'm coming", he says, packing all the things in a bundle.


	21. Chapter 21

I'm an incurable romantic and the Valentine's Day probably enhances it - I decided to get Rey and Ben engaged.

He has his mother's engagement ring he retrieved in the previous chapter from Varykino Retreat.

* * *

Rey has never been sulking in her whole life – who would she sulk for, given her very crude day to day existence on Jakku? The feeling is new and unnerving, like an involuntary reaction: something akin to hiccups or sneezing. Her hunger helps as a distraction. She skipped the morning rations and now she's devouring the inflatable bread and some dried meat ravenously, hidden in the lower compartment of the „Falcon".

Poe launches them into nearest star system and lets them hover there for awhile, in the open space, far away from any inhabitable colony until he decides whether it's safe to re-join with the Resistance in their shelter on Sullust. It's a welcoming sort of nothingess. Exactly where she is, mentally.

Part of her coming down here lies in the fact she doesn't want to see the TIE silencer again. Not ever again, just not now – she has to stop this current of grudges and petty hurt pouring from her like dry cough.

But it isn't just pety – she showed him her weakness and all of her foolishness. The food makes some effect on her tensed nerves, but it is far from satisfying. Her lips still pulsate with the pressure of that kiss. If only it was true, the vision she had. But she is caught amidst her own turbulent emotions. She is acutely aware the bond with Ben Solo will never be accepted by the Resistance. She doesn't want to insult them or lose their loyalty, but at the same time, she is irresistibly pulled back to him time and time again. The thought of losing him practically made her blind and half-insane. The vision might be as well a mix of truth and self-deception. And finally, Padme and Anakin were a tragic love story. The vision, even if true, could be a foreshadowing of a bitter end. Rey was weary of all the losses.

„Rey", he appears again before her.

„Please, I can't do this right now", she says and waves her hand at him, jumping to her feet. She can't even look him in the eye.

„It is I who should be pleading with you", he says hurriedly, realizing she really wants to leave. He can't talk to her while she's on the upper deck, and he _needs_ to talk to her.

„Please", he squeezes the word again and that word – gods, that word – it freezes her where she is standing.

All the fine education and all the books he read and all the poetry of Omar Berenko can't help him convey what he wants to say right now.

Her eyes are those of hope and of loss. It's maddening. He cannot stand it. He cannot stand the pain he's causing. Funny thing.

He simply comes before her and kisses her, somewhat awkwardly. The more they talk, the more likely they'll just attract the attention of the former Stormtrooper, the wookie, and the general – or the inquisitive little droid that rolls overhead, banging across the metal floor.

 _I'm so sorry_ , he whispers to her mind. _I didn't want to hurt you. I just wanted to spare you the unnecessary pain._

He caresses her hair through the Force bond – it takes more personal effort to do this than his skills in manipulating the Force.

 _Why can't you trust me, Ben?,_ she asks.

 _I trust you more than I trust myself. I trust you with my own life. Rey._

He swallows hard and it shows, even through the bond.

 _My love. Sweetheart._

Will he just continue quoting every single generic expression of affection he can remember or start saying something meaningful for a change?, he thinks.

But it has some effect on her. She raises her eyes with surprise and the hurt subsidies under the old compassion. She smiles.

 _Finally._

He looks over her shoulder and disappears without a word, and Rey knows why.

Poe protrudes his head.

„We're going back to Sullust", he says. „Kay reported something ludicrous. The Nite Owls want to join the Resistance. They want to see the _jetii_ ".

He sneers, mocking the crude Mandalorian accent. He was never very fond of that violent, mercenary culture. But beggars can't be choosers.

* * *

He will turn into another version of that despicable waste of human life, Kylo Ren.

He can almost hear his father's ice-cold voice mocking him for his many failures. He doesn't have an endless supply of dreadnoughts to support his every campaign and he definitely lost too much of his already reduced senior officers. The young ones he promoted in a rush after battle of Crait ( _battle_ , he sneers at the over-statement of that embarassing flop) are zealous, but their performance is cringey underwhelming.

Good the old fool is dead. Not so powerful with poison in his system. The mighty Brendol Hux.

He coddles the ginger cat-like creature before him absent-mindedly and the thing responds with lazy sounds reminiscent of demented purrs. The only thing in existence that received some affection from him, probably because it is barely sentient. No one is a witness to his dwindling humanity.

He is restless and stands abruptly to the window onlooking the landing dock of the „Invictus". The wreakage of the „Nephallactis" afflicted too much unnecessary and expensive damage, much to the delight of the Cantonica elites.

The only thing remotely comforting is that he now knows for sure the traitor has sided with the Resistance. He always knew the man was weak. He didn't understand the whole Force mythology and he had no inclination of doing so – he feared Snoke simply because of the pain he could inflict, and that was all. Kylo Ren – he finds it difficult to pronounce that name even in the confines of his own mind – was a born traitor and a weakling from the beginning. And that makes his failure to kill him even a greater one.

„Grand Marshall", the communicator activates and a young female voice, stern and direct, permeates through it.

„Yes, Stynnix", he tries to sound composed and up-to-date, but fears his voice resembles a roar more than anything, betraying all of his frustration. _Kylo Ren sickness, indeed,_ he thinks.

„An unregistered ship coming from the Unknown Regions requests a permission to dock. They have the late Supreme Leader's credentials, Sir", the officer reports.

Oh, no. He hoped the rest of that scum disappeared from the face of the galaxy a long time ago. The most inopportune of moments for them to come back to life.

But he can't do anything against them. They are, after all, connected to Snoke. _Probably felt his demise and now seek revenge_ , he thinks, trying his best to decipher the inner workings of a Force user's mind. Very good – Hux now sneers at the prospect of dispatching them all on the wild hunt after their former master.

„Let them dock immediately", Hux says. „Summon all the senior officers. Receive the Knights of Ren with highest military honors".

* * *

The rebels disembark on underground base on Sullust. The TIE silencer makes a roaring and wailing sound as it lands – it will take a lot of effort to repair the machine, and that technology the Resistance has not. Poe frowns. If Rey asks him to accept Kylo Ren onboard, he'll just... he doesn't know what he'll do, but it won't be pleasant for either of them.

But as they land, another thing attracts Poe's attention – the Mandalorian ships docked chaotically, mostly Aggressor Assault Fighters and Mando-Verpine Assault Fighters. Mostly junk, but if used properly, a good sort of junk. He operated with worse. Only if their pilots were more than just an unruly bunch of mercenary hot-heads. If Rey protests, he'll just show her in the direction of their new allies. After all, the kid likes visiting new places and talking to alien races, and Mandalore has those in abundance.

Finn is already at the door with his backpack on.

„Hold on", Poe says slightly mockingly, and hits the activation button behind him. „Don't make the you shaped hole on the blast door".

He is surrounded with kids. Gods, he needs to be paid for all this baby-sitting. Kay welcomes them on the dock and Poe can't be more pleased to see his first officer. Loyal to him and probably with a slight crush on him, too. But she won't let that stand in the way of their proffesional relationship, unlike the Jedi kid onboard who'd jump at the first opportunity to save Leia's son from whatever mess he gets himself into.

„Kay", he smiles at her and waves with his hand. The young woman smiles back and a tear rolls over her cheek.

„Oh, no, Kay, not you", he says and punches her at the shoulder playfully. „What's another dreadnought in the life of a galaxy?"

„That was a too close call, General", she says, clutching an old and scratched datapad in her arms.

„Tell me about the Mandalorian bunch", he says and nods in the direction of the battered escadrille.

„They came last night, Sir", Kay says. „They explicitly wanted to talk to Rey, and I had some difficulty explaining that I have to be very careful about contacting you, with First Order scanning the region and everything. And another thing, when you talk with them, remember not all of them are good in Galactic Standard. And another thing..."

„What, Kay?"

„Try not to stare at their leader too much, General", Kay adds ambiguously, a small smirk forming on her face.

„What, is he that ugly?", he says and laughs, hugging his friend and officer.

„Not exactly", she answers, her smirk now wider. „He is a she and... well, regarding the beauty, you'll see. Just don't stare".

* * *

Poe stares at the almost 2 meters tall female humanoid covered in colorfull Mandalorian armor, battered and patched much more times than any other metal could be (it's beskar). Tribal braids, ridiculously strong arms that show through her arm plates and an elongated pale face, color of a desert sand with eyes that have almost no eye-white. Tribal tattoos on her face and neck and probably other unseen places too. Not unpleasantly looking, only extremely exotic.

„Satine Trosyc", she says in a rather good Galactic Standard and shakes his hand. He fears some ligaments might be broken.

„Poe Dameron", he almost squeaks. „I gather you went a long way from Mandalore to Sullust, _Alor_ ".

He'll need some ice and bacta bandage on his hand after this grip.

„The Jedi?", she asks directly and abruptly, with eyes darting behind them and seeking Rey.

„Right behind me", he says, in a way relieved that Satine doesn't care about the ceremonials much. Good, so doesn't he as well.

„Good", Satine retorts and sits back. „We've heard about the marriage of the Light and Dark from our temple. The time is right for the uprising that will sweep away the imperial bastards of the First Order once and for all".

Her Galactic Standard can't be that good. _What marriage?,_ he thinks, frustrated. Although his parents, especially his mother Shara, had a lot of interactions with the old Jedi Skywalker, he can't call himself a great Jedi believer. More of a Jedi agnostic, if there's such a thing.

„If you think about the late General's son, Ben, then yes, he's with us", he replies cautiously. „Although I wouldn't call the affiliation marriage, Alor".

„Satine", she flicks her wrist at him, something downright royal about it. „I like the name much better".

Is she flirting with him or are both they just lost in translation?

„Satine", he complies. „And there is the Jedi".

He almost feels relieved for being able to transfer her attention to Rey.

The air around her is changed. It's probably the saber, but Poe wrinkles his nose as he puts the hot tea up to his lips. Good girl, Kay, for brinking the beverage to him. As Satine and Rey greet each other rather cheerfully (as he anticipated, the girl is entranced with Satine), his eyes fix on the piece of jewelry on the ring finger of her left hand.

He almost spits the tea across the confined space of their base.


	22. Chapter 22

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone, except to poor Hux - who is like an ultimate evil cat-lady with his ginger pet. Fun fact - I have an evil ginger cat too whom I wouldn't exchange for anything in this world. I'm also the chief of a military junta in space, like to drink tea and have impeccable fashion preferences ;).

Ben Solo and Rey get engaged, but the darkness is always there to loom over their fleeting happiness in the form of Knights of Ren.

Also, parallels to one of the novels dearest to me, "Jane Eyre". (The Resistance is Mrs. Fairfax, then?)

* * *

"I tell you I must go!" I retorted, roused to something like passion. "Do you think I can stay to become nothing to you? Do you think I am an automaton? — a machine without feelings? and can bear to have my morsel of bread snatched from my lips, and my drop of living water dashed from my cup? Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! — I have as much soul as you, — and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh; — it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God's feet, equal, — as we are!"

Charlotte Bronte, _Jane Eyre_ (Chapter XXIII).

* * *

Only five of them. The sixth is on his way to track down the traitor.

„You gentlemen do not lose your time", Hux says, praising himself mentally for his subtle irony.

The knights look at one another through their masks and the familiar Force choke circles Hux's throat.

 _No, not this again._

„So", the tallest among them steps forward as if to inspect all the petechiae forming in Hux's eyes. „I gather you know nothing of Kylo Ren's whereabouts, _Grand Marshall_?"

There is something vaguely amusing to all of them in that title, since all began to giggle. A sort of menacing sound that's unnerving even to Hux himself.

The grip finally lets loose.

„He was last seen in the orbit of Utapau", Hux gurgles. „But I have my best men working on tracking him and the rebel scum down. It won't take long before they are detected and captured".

The tall one, whom Hux suspects was the wielder of the choke, removes the helmet. His eyes pierce straight through Hux and he now regrets the helmet was taken off.

Those eyes have an unnatural amber haze in them. Hux recognizes this hue from the stories he heard as a child and now the scary story for naughty children comes to haunt him. Only one culture had that sort of eyes – the Sith.

„You underestimated the Jedi girl, Grand Marshall", the man says, bemusedly, and drops the helmet on Hux's beloved marble top desk. „Our teachers taught us never to underestimate our enemies, especially the last Jedi. As their age comes to an end, they grow stronger beyond imagining. The Jedi of the old can't compete with what you have at your hands now".

„I didn't believe, not for a moment, that the scavenger could single-handedly beat the whole Praetorian guard, kill the Supreme Leader and defeat Kylo Ren, leaving him alive in the process", Hux hisses and brings his exclusive bitter Tarine tea to his lips, swallowing hard through injured throat.

„You're a worldly man, Grand Marshall", the man manages to make his much coveted title sound like a joke, and in that way, he resembles general Brendol Hux. „Of course the girl didn't do it all. Kylo Ren helped her. But there are other ways of manipulation in the Force. Turning Kylo Ren to the Light Side is a formidable task. But –„.

And he stops to look at Stynnix, who leaves the tea on the table and scrambles away from the man's brazen gaze in confusion. First time he saw his lieutenant this disheveled, Hux thought. And she was the first officer on the "Finalizer" and "Supremacy".

„-turning the Jedi to the Dark Side is an equally formidable task".

„Gentlemen, I fear I am out of my depth when it comes to the ways of the Force", Hux replies, this time much more piously. „Whatever you do, as long as you track down the traitor and bring him to the justice for the murdering plot he committed, I'm at your disposal. And if you bring the scavenger from Jakku along with him, it will be an even greater victory for the First Order. We strive to restore the order to the galaxy, corrupted by the centuries of decadent Republic".

The man is apparently half-bored and half-annoyed with the political agenda.

„Yes", he says and flicks his wrist. „Your First Order is menial compared to the Force. There is where the true power lies. Tell me, Grand Marshall, who you think pulled down the „Nephallactis"?"

Hux feels exactly like when he was brutally inspected by his father. Is this how Force manipulation works? Slowly degrading man's confidence, assaulting all his mental defenses piece by piece and then ravaging through all long buried memories and fears?

„The traitor Kylo Ren, of course", he says, hoarsely.

The man smirks, and others with him.

„Incorrect, Marshall", he says. „TIE silencer weapon system was dislodged some minutes before. You should commend your fighters for it. Those who survived, of course".

The knight takes the cup into his hand and takes a sip. Apparently dissatisfied, he continues.

„It was Luke Skywalker", he says, and a low, disdainful growl bounces over the hated name. „He is protecting the alliance and the last Jedi. The reason why you won't find them, Marshall, is because he doesn't want you to find them. You can run after them until your bones dry out, but you won't capture neither of them. Not until the girl is with them and growing in her power".

„To secure the order, her powers need to be harnessed somewhere else. It's relatively easy with the females, you know. Their servitude, their compassion, their ubiquituous need to save the unreedemable, to protect the little unprotected babies and downtrodden – it's all very predictable, actually. So, what me and my brethren cordially suggest is – terrorize the galaxy, Marshall. Hit them where they are the most vulnerable. Stop this goose chase – you'll get nothing of it, only loss. You have – what? – 5 dreadnoughts at your disposal and you already lost 2 in less than two months with how many men, weapons and crafts onboard? My, my, Marshall".

The man shakes his head, mock-worriedly.

„I am here to help you, Armitage", the knight adds. „Leave Kylo Ren and the Jedi girl to us. I know Kylo Ren better than anyone. I know his weakness and his strength. I know what haunts his sleepless nights and what he desires the most".

There is something almost lascivious in the knight's words and Hux shudders. He feels his own pet had more sense than him as the animal sprung in terror and hid itself somewhere under the desk seconds before the Knights of Ren entered. Hux wishes he could now do the same.

* * *

 _Mandalore is an interesting place_ , Rey thinks. Here she is, a humanoid adopted by a human mother. Adoption was a rare thing among humans throughout the galaxy, but on Mandalore, the adoption was common and considered both a great honor and a duty. It is a stark contrast to the dominantly warmongering ways of the Mandalore.

All that Satine knows and Satine is, she received from her adoptive mother, Bo Katan Kryze and her "aunt", Sabine Wren.

While talking to Satine, Rey loses sight of time and loses sight of Poe. He didn't take this _new thing_ too well. Then again, neither did she. It is commonplace for the fiancés of the galaxy to drop on one knee and offer the band, after which the putative bride has to glean and hide the tears and show (usually artificial) surprise. But as she climbs to the TIE silencer and feels the lingering stench of electric chips burnt down, she is hardly prepared for this kind of… ceremony. He didn't kneel at first, but when he did, Rey thought something in the ship malfunctioned again and needed the repair.

It is Leia's engagement ring in his palm – the pale and translucent rose quartz gem embedded in a silver band, two opposing Resistance crests supporting the gem from both sides. Han really took an effort to make the ring work and probably had to steal the remarkably clear gem from somewhere. It is slightly rudimentary, but it's genuine and it emanates a sort of bitter-sweet memory.

"I don't know what will happen tomorrow", he says. "I have nothing to offer to you except for what you already have, and that is my life, Rey. I will be a burden to you and gods of the galaxy, if they exist, know that a Solo isn't really a catch of a lifetime. But I love you. I loved you even before I knew you existed. Will you have me?"

This must be some kind of bad joke on his part – she suspected he had sense of humor buried somewhere deep underneath the layers of Kylo Ren, but this is just a very unfortunate moment to exercise it.

"Ben", her voice gets a nervous pitch. "Do not mock me. Get up".

 _I don't mock you_ , he says and the grave tone of his voice inside her head makes her stop. Makes her heart stop and head spin.

She raises her eyebrows and a small hiccup escapes her. He is seriously proposing her.

Upon the realization, she kneels in front of him. Her knees are water; this isn't just a statement of their equality. The TIE silencer is rendered truly silent, as if the whole air has been sucked out from the craft. Rey caresses his injured cheek and removes the strand of his hair from his forehead. This is a true torment for him, she realizes, astonished. His newly found life dangles at the end of a delicate thread.

"Of course I will", she utters, feeling her voice will betray her. "I will have you, Ben Solo".

It's not the most elegant of formulations, but how would she know? Rey speaks from her heart, just as he does.

She accepts the ring and lets him place it on her fourth finger of her left hand, as it is the most commonplace throughout the galaxy.


	23. Chapter 23

This story will be a slow burn to help me stay alive until Ep. IX - I had this chapter prepared for some time now, and so - here it is.

* * *

He should really fall in love with Kay. She is fierce, loyal, pretty, a damn good officer and in love with him – although she doesn't let it show, he knows. They both know.

But, no – his convoluted brain and his damaged heart must roam and go someplace else, find the most difficult and impossible task in the universe, lock on it and try to conquer it. But she is no Starkiller Base and matters of the heart are not a cockpit.

And there is the age difference, although his love sickness makes him as foolish as a 4th grader.

Poe waits for Rey in the corridor stretching from the landing dock to the make-shift Resistance headquarters. They are on rations, but he noticed she appears paler and weaker even when compared to Crait, so he steals another portion (privilege of a General, first time he ever used one) and waits for her with it.

He wants her to know that he doesn't condemn her... although, in a way, he does. He can't trust Ben Solo-Kylo Ren or whoever that man is. His natural mistrust of the Jedi and his fresh memory of the torture he endured stand in the way. No one with that sort of power can be stable, and this man was turned to the Dark Side a long time ago. He remembers very well when everything fell to pieces. He remembers Leia, running frantically to the first X wing, trying to go there herself and to retrieve her son. He remembers how he stopped her from flying to her death and how she slapped him, blind with tears and with grief. _„He is my son, Poe!"_ her scream still lingers in his memory. _„My boy, my son – let go of me!"_ He suffered his own mother's death with the same intensity. She was alone and broken – her New Republic was all but gone, even her political apprentices, people she trusted and whom she trained to replace her, have betrayed her and sold their talents and their knowledge to the First Order. And as if that wasn't enough, her own son fell to the Dark Side. She was the toughest, bravest, fiercest woman he has ever met, and he has met a few in his life.

„ _He is my son, can't you see it?"_

No, he can't. He really can't. Who knows what he would have done to his own mother once he was made the Master of the Knights of Ren. The whole galaxy knows what he did to his own father later on.

But her smile dissipates all his grudges. It is maddening, but he lets her do it.

„Hey," he gives her the boxed lunch. „Complimentary pack for the newlyweds."

He tries to sound aloof, but his bitterness obviously just drips from his words because she stops and frowns.

„You misunderstood Satine," she says, instinctively curling the fingers of her left hand under the box. „Don't give much heed to different prophecies, Poe. They're always ambiguous... and uncertain allies."

„Still," he says, wanting to bring this out in the open since he already made that blunder. „It was enough for the entire Nite Owls squadron to come and join our ranks."

They let a group of chattering Sullustan pilots pass by. Poe greets them nervously, and then gestures at Rey to follow him to their dormitory, now empty.

„Look, Rey," he starts matter-of-factly, then stops. „Kid, take that and eat something. You're all skin and bones."

She complies, and it is a precedent.

„Look," he tries to be as mild as possible. „I won't say I understand this – any of this. We're just chasing and running around like fathiers, and I won't fool you and say I have some sort of a plan. I don't. I'm surprised we made it alive this far. And I can't lie; the man really helped us on Utapau. He saved an entire city and gods know how many more, with „Nephallactis" gone. But what if this is all part of his agenda? Make you trust him, and then turn you somehow to his own cause? I remember it well – Leia told me his descent was a gradual one. What if he does the same this time, with you? What if he used you as a diversion to kill Snoke? What if he let you leave Crait only so he could have you later, when you're sufficiently broken, alone, and... hungry?"

She was ravenous, but she hears every single word he said. And her honest, wide face tells him she was reflecting on the same things herself.

But she has a sort of resolve he doesn't have. She loves the man, gods know why.

„Poe," she says softly, eating away last remaining bites of her food. „I understand your concern. I really do. And the last thing I want is to put all of this in danger. To put our friendship in danger."

Oh, friendship. He tolerated Kylo Ren's torture better than this.

„I was alone all of my life and the Resistance is like a family to me," she says with child-like honesty that is both maddening and disarming. „I would never risk any of you for some... misguided cause."

„And if it comes to a choice – Resistance or him, what would you choose?" He practically yells and the old metal around him trembles. He is startled by his own passion, but has to go through with this. „What would you do?"

Rey opens her mouth, and then closes. Mist of tears in her eyes. But she shook her head.

„It will not come to that," she says decidedly. „He has been turned. He is no longer on the Dark Side."

„He once was on the Light Side of the Force, and then he turned," Poe continues, exasperated. „What makes you think it won't happen again, huh?"

Poe hoped his ring would set the matters straight, only if she could see everything the way she should – the way he wanted her to. What's more appropriate for a Resistance fighters' wedding than another Resistance fighter's wedding band?

„Poe," she says, slowly. „This whole Rebellion is built on faith and hope. Look at us. We have nothing. We have a few stolen ships, a battered Nite Owls squadron and 98 people. We can all get cramped together into „Falcon". What keeps us together are faith and hope."

 _And love_ , he'd say, but restrains himself. _Enough of this sentimentality_ , he thinks. _Time for the harsh reality to set in._

„Rey," he says and sighs. „Let it be the way you want it. But I warn you. If he relapses – again – you'll have to choose. You can't have both worlds. You can't have your Dark Side – Light Side family and the Resistance. We're common folks; we don't meddle with things beyond our reach. And for all of our sakes, I hope you don't, too."

To his utter amazement, she nods. There is a grim expression on her face, a sort of expression that tells him she is not completely crazed with love. She knows her risks. Her love must be a truly deep and remarkable one when she accepted to carry that sort of burden around.

He'd do anything to be loved like that.

He hates his new role of a General. He hates it thoroughly, but carries on with it for Leia's sake. Gods know what she saw in him, what kind of a leadership potential. Because, for now, he's worse than an impotent, middle-aged dad.

Kay rescues him from his self-loathing.

„Everything alright, General?" She asks, her bright warm eyes inspecting his face. Probably the wrinkles and the new gray hair. _Damn it,_ he thinks _, I'm old._

„Don't call me that," he says and makes a weak attempt to smile. „Not you. Call me Poe."

* * *

Rey finds herself tossing and turning in her bed without any prospect of sleep coming to her any time soon. She left Ben and the few droids (Bee Bee Ate included) to try and salvage the TIE silencer. They made a silent agreement not to spend too much time together. Or not spend any time together at all; feeling it would be too impious. But she is restless either way. She has a looming, unnerving feeling he'll just slip through her fingers, from Ben Solo to Kylo Ren again or to something worse this time, and this feeling is even more intense after the exchange she had with Poe. On top of it all, she remembers Dagobah and still has strong suspicions he didn't tell her everything. He told her all that she needed to know and, as he promised some time ago, while she was his prisoner on Starkiller Base, he didn't lie. Not once.

She smiles faintly at their impossible connection. The Force truly has its own strange ways.

And before the rational decision even settles in her mind, her feet hit the ground and she finds herself gliding down the dormitory, between the sleepy fighters. She strides down the long corridors and sends just a weak hum of the Force in her way to avert any curious over-looker.

He's still awake and the buzzing of the electric chips informs her he is nowhere near the solution.

The sight of his wide back and his unruly hair falling to his shoulders makes her blush. For a moment, he is not aware of her presence and she is irresistibly drawn to entangle that hair, and to push his head up to hers and...

„Kira," he says, her true name escaping from his lips like common knowledge. No one has known her the way he does.

„I couldn't sleep," she utters, and it's only partly true. She wants to see him. She doesn't want to spend any minute more without seeing him. Being so close to him, and not talking to him, is a tortuous reason for her insomnia, although she's physically so worn out and tired she could otherwise sleep for days on end.

 _At least talking to him_ , she thinks.

"No one has called me that in ages," she says and smiles, sitting back.

"Do you prefer Rey, then?" He says, trying all the while to bypass two electrical panels. But it backfires. He flinches and a dozen of electrical sparks fly buzzing in left and right, scorching his clothes on their way.

He makes all the effort not to show any pain or frustration, but his expletive-forming thoughts brush her mind. She'd giggle, hadn't he scorched himself in the process. His pain tolerance is high, but his ego doesn't know this.

"Let it go," she says. "With right parts, we'll make it work again. For now… just leave it. Satine would gladly give us some place on one of her ships."

He is vain. He is proud. She'd laugh at how vain he is still.

"Mandalorian ships." He wrinkles his nose.

"Stop it," she laughs this time and gestures at his hand. "Let me see."

"You smile too widely, you know that, kid," he grunts a bit, then flexes. "It's fine."

"I'll work on my smile later," she deflects the sting and takes his hand, like she did that morning. Perhaps he retained some of that electric energy in him ( _Force user physiology might work differently after a while_ , she thinks), because his touch sends an electrical current down her hand and down her spine. It isn't unpleasant, not by a long shot, but it is… exactly how it was on Ahch-to.

There is a definite burn mark on his palm, testifying to the sort of the electrical shock he received. Large and rough and warm, with unusually delicate, elongated fingers – she doesn't have a Bacta bandage with her, but his warmth takes her in and she slowly kisses that open palm.

"Rey," he shudders, but doesn't take his hand back. He caresses her cheek and finds her crying in his palm.

He remembers. Like a red haze lifted, he remembers everything – the last year at the Jedi temple before he turned to the Dark Side, that last agonizing year before everything went to pieces – his mother's hope, the New Republic, him, his father, the whole galaxy… He remembers himself going to a plinth stone at the Jedi village to meditate against his master's orders. Finding her, that figure illuminated with bright light that haunted his dreams and visions; finding her on Jakku in her AT-AT, face inflamed with grief and with tears. He suppressed almost everything. Snoke's training threatened to extinguish every flickering light in him. But the alien couldn't do anything against her. She was indestructible. And she was his.

After that, all constraint is lost. He lifts her up in his arms and kisses her long and deeply. He wanted them to wait. He wanted to protect her from possible scandal (this Resistance might be as weak and as decadent as the New Republic, rampant with scandals and intrigues, one in particular destroying his mother's career and destroying the New Republic in the process) and he wanted to protect her from possible grief if he…

But he won't fail her this time. Not now, not ever. He only has so much focus to erase the droids' memories (the orange one will definitely hate him until its expiration date) and to send them away. She yields so perfectly it almost makes him cry in her chest. Their devotion and compassion lead them through. He never received so much in one night, nor did she. He muffles his growls in the space between her neck, her shoulder and floor, with his palm silencing her wonderful, passionate screams.

She can't remember sleeping this well – a sleep destined to be short, but deep and soothing still. He cradles her in his arms like a child. The rhythm of his own breathing and of his heart-beats rocks her gently to sleep. And as she sleeps, she dreams… not exactly a vision – vision feels differently. There is a dim light in the mist before her, and as she approaches it, she realizes it's the Force. The halo of the Force surrounding a young boy, not older than 10 – she smiles at him and he smiles back as if in a deep recognition. The boy could be hers – could be theirs – tenderness overwhelms her and she reaches out with her hand to touch his head. But as she reaches out to him, the boy vanishes. Rey feels a pang of loss, sharp and deadly. She whirls, trying to detect the boy in an ever deepening fog. "Where are you?" She screams. Her fear starts pulsating in her ear-drums and the Force vibrates in the same rhythm. Suddenly, the fog lifts and reveals millions upon millions of Stormtroopers and First Order soldiers and officers. She is surrounded. She can't get out. "Ben!" She screams the only name she knows, the only one that will surely come back. But in the last nanosecond before she is awaken, she realizes every face around her is her own – full of judgment, and scorn and tribulation.

She wakes up with her resounding scream around her.

"Sweetheart!" He shakes her shoulders, beyond himself with fear. "What's wrong? Tell me!"

She can't explain. She gasps, and then collapses into his arms. She'd crawl right into his chest and into his heart – the reality feels too much. For some reason, she has the inexorable desire to go back to Cantonica. Something is happening there. The Force told her so.


End file.
